to live and let go › all time low fanfic

chapter xi | if i have you

ELIZABETH'S POV

I walked outside, quickly avoiding the gazes of everyone. I knew they would say something and I should have been ready. I shouldn't have pushed all these feelings away for so long because now I probably looked a mess in front of them.

I just walked out, not saying a word. They probably thought I was a freak to just get up and leave.

I sat down on the small porch in front of their house and just breathed, trying to push away the tears but they wouldn't go. I felt my breathing get heavier and a anxiety attack start to kick in.

I ran a hand through my hair and tried to calm myself down but I couldn't. She was gone, my mom was gone. By her own hand. She took herself away from me. She didn't want me and she didn't want to be around me and she just ended her own life. Leaving me with my drunken father. She didn't care. 

My mind was racing and I felt like I was going to pass out.

"Elizabeth." I heard someones voice, a voice I knew well. I turned around to see Jack standing there.

He rarely called my by my full name. He walked over and wrapped his arms around me and I cried, "Jack, can we go back to your place. I can't do this." I chocked out.

Without question Jack walked inside quickly, telling his parents we were leaving, and Alex and Josh followed out. 

The car ride was silent and awkward and I hated it. Josh held my hand and kept looking at me like I was going to break or something. But in all honesty I was afraid I was going too.

We got back to Jack's and Josh pulled me aside, "I have to leave for a show tomorrow, but you have my number. Please call if you need anything?" he spoke and his accent lifted my mood.

"I will." I smiled weakly and wrapped my arms around him for a hug before he took his car and left.

JACK'S POV

Liz walked in and she looked a mess. I knew she was going to break down. I was so scared. I didn't know what to say I just didn't want my best friend to hurt like this.

I honestly didn't think taking her back there was going to make her so upset. I thought she had moved on, and was okay with it, if I knew she would break down I wouldn't have taken her.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you were going too be upset." I mumbled.

"It's fine, I should be over this. It's my fault." she said bitterly. 

"No, seriously, I'm so sorry." I went to hug her but she pushed away. 

"I seriously don't need treated like it's 14 years ago and it just happened. I've been living with this for how long? I don't need the pity so seriously stop blaming yourself because I know it's my fault." she spit.

I was a little taken back but managed to say, "It's not your fault." quietly.

"Are you kidding me?! Of course it's my fault! That's why she did it, to get away from me! It's my damn fault and I'm sick of people treating me so innocently. Seriously fucking stop it Jack!" she stormed past me and up to the guest room and I just stood in shock.

I glanced at Alex and he kept quiet, not knowing what to say.

ALEX'S POV

I didn't know what to say. I could tell she was upset, but to blame herself? It wasn't her fault. None of it was and I hated knowing how upset she was.

"Jack are you alright?" I said quietly. 

"Yeah just fine Alex. My best friend hates me and I just want her to be okay and I can't help. What do you think." he snapped, storming off to his room as well.

ELIZABETH'S POV

I did something I'd probably regret doing for the rest of my life. I had four new, deep, crimson red lines etched into my thigh. I thought I'd stopped but today just proved that I deserved it. I deserved worse than that.

I slipped the razor away when I heard Jack come walking up the stairs and slam his door.

Did he really fight with Alex? Alex hadn't done a thing and he shouldn't take his anger out on him. That wasn't fair. 

I can't believe I was tearing apart friendships like this, I hated it. I needed to go home and stop fucking up peoples lives.

I heard a knock on the door, "Hold on, I need to get dressed." I said quietly, trying to hide my tears.

I slipped on shorts and pulled my crew neck over my fingers for warmth before opening the door to find Alex.

His hair was messy like he'd been running his hands through it and he looked concerned.

"Can I talk to you?" he said quietly, looking at his feet.

"I guess."

He walked in and took a seat on the bed and motioned for me to sit next to him. I did.

"I know what you're going through. Sort of. My brother, he took his own life, and I know how that feels." he said quietly, grabbing my hand and stroking over my fingers.

His eyes held mixed emotions and I couldn't help but feel like crying again. 

I pulled my knees on the bed and sat crossed legged. He looked at me with even more concern.

ALEX'S POV

I could have swore I saw cuts on her thighs. I knew it wasn't my business but I didn't want to see her hurting. I cared, maybe to much, but I cared. 

"Why?" I mumbled, feeling the tears start to fall on my cheeks. 

She bit her lip, obviously knowing I saw, and that's when she broke down.

"My mom killed herself, and I can't help but think of it even more while being here. She wanted to get away from me, that's what my dad told me. He's such a piece of shit. He's drunken off his ass. That's why I moved. I couldn't take it. Being here, it brings back so much. And now I've gone and pushed Jack away. I always push people away. And I never thought I'd do it again, but I just, it helped, and I know that sounds weird to say but I couldn't help it was all I had." she chocked out as I wrapped my arms around her. I didn't want to let go, ever.

I felt tears coming down my face, "That's not true, you have me. Always. I care about you so much Liz." I said it quietly so she couldn't tell I was crying but she did.

She sat up and frowned, taking the sleeves of her crew neck and whipping away the tears. "Please don't cry over me." she whispered. "I hate to see people cry, especially you." 

"I won't cry if you don't do that. Please Liz, you mean a lot and I can't bare the thought of you doing that." I said, looking into her eyes.

She bit her lip, "I promise." she mumbled. I hugged her again, tighter than before. "Please don't tell Jack." she whispered.

"I won't, but you have to stop." she nodded her head in agreement and I just sat hugging her while she cried some more.

A good 10 minutes went by before she spoke again, "Will you lay with me? I really don't want to be alone." she sounded nervous and scared, like I'd say no.

"Of course, I told you, you have me." she pulled away and got up before crawling under the covers. 

I bit my lip and looked at her, "I don't care if you take your pants off Alex. There skinny jeans and they're not comfortable to sleep in." she mumbled. 

I couldn't help but crack a smile as I pulled my pants off and pulled my shirt off. 

I crawled into bed and she instantly snugged up against me. I pulled her close because I didn't want to let go. I didn't want to loose her, even if I didn't have her.

"Goodnight Lex." she mumbled against the crook of my neck.

"Goodnight Liz." 

A/N: Idk, romance is cute.