Abigail's POV
Everything had frozen, the world had stopped spinning and I was left with a terrifying numbness. My heart pounded and my head spun at the idea of a termination, and the fact Ryan was considering it made it even harder to bare.
I was laid on the small bed beside him with my hand locked in his "What do you think we should do?" I asked breaking the silence. Ryan and I had been left alone to talk after Ryan had spoken to my Mom.
"I don't know" Ryan didn't know how to answer "I know I don't want to lose you"
"I guess if I keep the baby then that's a strong possiblity" I reply and to my surprise he shakes his head.
"That's not what I meant entirely" He sighed "All I know is if you have this baby then Doctor Roberts said, there is a 50% chance I could lose you...but on the other hand if I force you to make a desicion then there is a 100% chance I will lose you"
"Ry" my chest burns as I see the pain and frustration in his eyes "Don't..."
"Let me finish, please" Ryan grabs my other hand an sits up a little "I know you better than I know myself, which is why I won't make you choose. I just want you to know that whatever you decide, I'm here okay? I'll love you and stand by you regardless. I made you my wife for a reason..."
"I know, I just wish this was easy" I felt the tear's come again "The more I think about this baby, the more it makes me think about the three children we already have, and what it would do to them if they lost me"
"I know" Ryan tucked some hair behind my ear.
"Not to mention what it would it would do to you" I could feel his hand shaking a little in mine "You know I love you right?"
"Yeah" his word comes out in a forced whisper as he too is fighting the tear's.
"And if the circumstances were different then...then I'd..." I can hardly speak as I see him breaking "I'll have the termination, for the sake of our family...If that's what you want too?"
As much as it pains me, I can see the relief in his eyes instantly "Like I said, I can't lose you baby. It's not what I want, but it's what we have to do"
I felt Ryan's arm loop tightly around my torso as he pulled me back into him. At this point I felt like the worst mother in the world "You'll be with me right?" I panic and feel Ryan's hot breath against my neck.
"Yeah every step" he sighed "I love you"
"I love you too" I reply, they might be a simple few words. But at this moment they mean everything to me. It's Ryan's love that has pulled me through most things and this was no different.
A gentle knock on the door told me it was time to voice my decision "Sorry to disturb you both. Have you made a decision?"
"Yeah?" I sit up and so does Ryan "I want the termination" the words that came from my mouth, shattered my heart into a million pieces. I gasped as I said them and felt Ryan's arms cacoon me.
"Okay Mrs Tedder, I'll sort it out for you" Doctor Roberts smiled weakly.
"What you can do it now?" I exhale and he nods gently.
"Yes, Because you are only a few weeks into the pregnancy then we can give you a tablet rather than a surgical proceedure" He explained.
"What does the tablet do?" Ryan interupted and the doctor looked at him "I mean will she feel any pain?"
"I'm afraid so yes, now all women feel pain differently. But this tablet is designed to cause a miscarriage" doctor Roberts looked back at me "You will need to take one tablet now and then come back in 12 hours for the second tablet"
"Okay" I nod still in a daze and watch as he leaves the room.
"Are you sure about this?" Ryan asked me one last time.
"Yeah" I reply "I can't take a chance on this Ry, we have too much to lose now. We have the twins and Freya, I can't be selfish in this I need to put them first and you"
Ryan didn't reply, he just kissed my temple. I could feel his breath on my skin.
×-×-×
After taking the second tablet, neither me nor Ryan knew what to expect. I was determined to go to my Mom's for dinner that evening and to be honest I couldn't have made a bigger mistake. I felt the cramps starting while I was sat at the table eating dinner. My mom had cooked for the family it was a small gathering but a nice one "I still remember the day you got your acceptance letter, your dad was so proud..." My mom grinned as she remembered a story about my Dad.
"He pinned it to his office wall" she continued "Along with every father day card, picture, birthday card you ever made him. Your father adored you Abi, you have made us both so proud over the years"
The pains shot through my stomach as I tried to act normal "You okay?" Ryan asked under his breath and I shook my head slightly.
"Abi honey are you alright?" My mom realised what was wrong "Why don't you go for a lie down?"
As I stood up both Ryan and I were horrified to see a small amount of blood on the chair cushion "Shit" Ryan cursed quietly. He took my hand and led me to the hall way. Once we were out of sight I found myself grab Ryan's arms desperately as the pain became too much "Jesus is this normal? Should it hurt his much?" I nod my head as I try and distract my mind from the intense pain the was shooting across my stomach. I grabbed Ryan's shirt and buried my head into his shoulder. Ryan then picked me up in his arms and carried me into the spare room where we had been staying.
