Ryan's POV
The words didn't seem real, an hour had passed and Abi and I were still sat exactly where the doctor had left us. Stella was sat on the row of chairs opposite us. I turned and watched as Abi sat rocking beside me, she was fidgeting and playing with the chain around her neck "Hey he's going to be okay" I pulled her close to me and she let me embrace her for a few moments before pulling away from me.
The doors burst open and I watched as my mom and dad came around the corner "Oh honey we came as quickly as we could" My mom gasped trying to catch her breath "How is he? Where is he?"
"Having tests" Abi's voice was distant, she stared into blank space.
"Oh sweetheart" my Mom sat beside Abi and hugged her tightly.
It seemed to take forever, nothing was happening and no-one came to tell us anything. We must have watched about 10 doctors come and go out of the room where our little boy was.
"Abi, Ryan" Stella's voice made us both look up as a dark haired man walked slowly towards us, he seemed to be dragging his feet. I stood up and greet him and so did Ab's.
"Mr and Mrs Tedder?" He assumed and I nodded "There's no easy way to say this..."
"Then don't" Abi inhaled deeply and gripped my hand "Please don't say it" she cried and I watched as the doctor opened his mouth.
"We did everything we could for your son but, but I'm afraid we couldn't reduce the swelling on his brain...and his heart stopped" My legs almost caved but I regained stability when I saw Abi fall, she collided into me knocking us both to the floor. She screamed, and fought me for a few minutes before finally giving in, I didn't even notice the tears from my own eyes but I could feel hers burning through my shirt sleeve.
I looked around us at the devastation caused by the news of Jacobs...I can't even bring myself to say it. My Mom and Dad were holding eachother and Stella was just slumped in her chair with her hands cradling her head "I'll give you some time to..."
"Can we see him?" Abi asked and the doctor nodded.
"Yes of course" Abi followed the doctor and my feet seemed to walk in the same direction.
"I'll give you two some time alone" The doctor replied gently. I could barely breathe as Abi walked over to the cot. My chest got tighter and tighter and I felt the need to run, but my feet had been moulded to the stop by the knowledge that Abi needed me to stay.
"My beautiful boy" she sobbed as she held him close to her. None of it felt real, even though I was standing in the room seeing it with my own eyes I still couldn't believe it was real. I watched helplessly as Abi started to sway, he body was faltering and I couldn't move "I'm so sorry" she cried and suddenly my feet allowed me to move forwards and catch her.
If I'm honest I can't really describe how I feel, numb, empty...perhaps nothing. It probably hasn't sunk in and to be honest I don't think it ever will, all I knew was standing in this room was killing me. I had to get out...
I felt myself pushing through the door "Ryan" I heard Abi calling after me. I turned left instead of right, I didn't want to speak to anyone or want anyone to follow me. I headed towards the roof stairs and didn't look back. I opened the door out onto the hospital roof and rushed towards the edge, before taking a deep breath in and crying out like a deranged lunatic. Punching and swinging arms into the empty air "NOOOOO" I Screamed out and fell to my knees, I couldn't be strong anymore I had to let go...Suddenly the numbness lifted and an excruciating pain filled my body, making it feel heavy my heart hurt to beat and my eyes burned.
"Ryan" A fimiliar female voice came from behind me, I looked round and saw a teary Harriet standing behind me "Oh honey I don't know what to say" she sniffed and rushed towards me holding my head on her chest as I tried to gather myself. I paused for a few moments before pulling away.
"I can't believe he's...I can't even say it Harry" I sniffed and Harriet nodded.
"I know it doesn't seem real" Harriet sighed as she wiped her eyes.
×-×-×
I walked slowly back down the corridor, something in my heart told me I needed to go back. Abi needed me to go back, as I walked back into the room I found Abi exactly where I left her. She was still holding Jacob tightly in her arms, Stella was holding Abi with tears in her own eyes. I watched as she stroked Jacobs head "Why him Mom? What did I do wrong?" Abi cried and Stella held her tighter.
"OH honey" Stella gasped "This wasn't your fault sweetheart"
I moved forwards instinctively and Stella stepped to one side allowing me to comfort Abi "Shhh" I tried to sooth her as the tear's escaped both our eyes.
"Did you want to hold him?" My heart sank, being asked this question 10 months ago filled me with joy. But now...now I was filled with pain and dread. I nodded gently at let Abi place him in my arms. He looked so peaceful and precious as I held him in my arms. I watched as Abi kissed his head.
I desperately wanted to speak to him but my words were dry, I couldn't even make a sound. I just swallowed back hard trying to hide my tears. Abi touched my arm "It's okay to let it out, don't hold it in" she sniffed and with that I found myself sobbing uncontrollably. Abi wrapped her arms around us and kissed my head.
×-×-×
There wasn't enough time in the world for us to say goodbye, we had been with Jake for over 3 hours but it felt like moments. Even though we desperately wanted to stay with him we knew we had to go "Will you make sure he has teddy with him?" Abi gave the nurse Jake's favourite blue Teddy, it was a little blue bear we had won him at the carnival when he was born "I don't want him to be alone" she broke down again, I wasn't sure how much more I could take seeing my wife's heart breaking like this over and over again.
The nurse nodded as we left the room. Everyone had gone home now, except for Leroy and Tony who wanted to wait incase he press got news. Harriet and Stella had taken Lillia home and my Mom and Dad had gone to a hotel, I gripped tightly onto Abi's hand as we walked down the corridor and out on the side walk. To our surprise the streets were empty, no one had guessed what had happened. Or rather they had and decided to be respectful. As I searched the sidewalk I didn't see Abi had stopped "Baby Girl?" I heard Leroy say gently as he rested a hand in the small of Abi's back.
"It doesn't feel right leaving without him, he should be at home. He's all alone" Abi sniffed and I felt myself rushing towards her as she started to cry uncontrollably, I wrapped my arms around her.
"He won't be alone baby, you're Dad will have him now" I tried to reassure her, but Abi just frowned at me.
"What if my dad can't find him?"
"This is your dad were talking about Ab's. Trust me he's already found him" I spoke again and to my relief Abi nodded. She walked with me a little bit further before pausing again "Ab's?"
"Ryan I don't want to go home just yet, can we go somewhere tonight?" Abi looked lost as she waited for my response.
"Yeah course, I'll ask your mom to keep Lillia" I reply, and to my horror Abi snaps.
"No I want her with us where we can watch her... I don't want my Mom...I just need her with us Ryan. I'll wait at the hotel while you fetch her" Something didn't feel right as Abi spoke to me "Leroy can stay with me right?"
"Sure" Leroy nodded but threw me a glance, we both were obviously thinking the same thing.
I had never seen Abi like this before and it scared me, but what scared me the most was knowing that Leroy had seen her like this before...right now we were all balancing on the edge of a knife and we could go one way or the other...
×-×-×
Hey guys, sorry for the emotional chapter. It wasn't an easy one to write.
This will be the final chapter of this book I know I said it was a three book, story well I have decided to make it a four book story. The next book will show a very dark side to the relationship, before more happier times...so will Ryan and Abi's relationship survive? Will they find new love? Stay tuned...
Much love Nikki...
