China Doll [DaraGon/NyongDal]

{ 23 }

{ 23 }

"That went better than I expected," basag ni Jiyong sa katahimikan. We're currently in a secluded coffee shop, relaxing. Kani-kanina pa nakauwi si Chaerin pagkatapos ng confrontation naming tatlo sa restaurant.

I looked over to him and he was smiling. Hindi ko na rin napigilan ang sarili kong ngiti. "Yeah. Akala ko talaga magkakaroon ng riot do'n sa restaurant eh." Tawa ko.

Nilapit niya pa ang sarili niya sa akin atsaka humilig sa balikat ko. Good thing na nasa sulok ang table namin, not to mention that we're inside a booth. It feels great to be together like this. Kung may nagsabi sa akin kaninang umaga na magiging ganito kami kalapit na Jiyong ngayong gabi, I would have openly laughed at their faces and call them retards. Pero ngayon? It only proves that nothing really is impossible.

"Jiyong..." Mahinang tawag ko. His eyes were closed while we were both enjoying the soft jazz music from the shop's speakers.

"Hmm?"

Nakagat ko ang labi ko. Hindi ko alam kung ito na ba ang tamang oras para tanungin ko siya kung ano na ba talaga kami. Kung may commitment ba kami sa isa't-isa o kung ano man. Chaerin's words from earlier were still haunting me. "Do you really have him, Dee?"

Naramdaman ko ang pag-ayos ni Jiyong ng pagkakaupo. He turned his head to me, curious. "Hey, what is it? May itatanong ka ba?" Dagdag niya nang hindi na ako nagsalita.

Pinilit kong ngumiti. No, I can't do it yet. Not now. I want to savor this moment first. "I'm just happy," paglilipat ko sa usapan.

He smiled back at me with his signature smile and it didn't fail to make my heart somersault. "It's hard to believe, right? Na somehow, after all these years, we found each other again. We found our way back and it's amazing." He stated.

He's right. Hindi pa rin talaga ako makapaniwala hanggang ngayon na gusto ako ni Jiyong. It still feels surreal that he's actually paying attention to me now. That he really likes me. Parang nabawi lahat ng sakit na naranasan ko no'ng high school pa kami. The humiliation and the pain? Forgotten.

It was as if everything about Kwon Jiyong is worth it.

I have no idea how long we've stayed there, chatting about everything. I love this side of him. Noon kasing unang naging kami, it was as if he wasn't that interested in whatever I was saying. Like, he nods his head and tries to show he's listening but honestly? He's just hearing the words and letting them pass by without understanding them. Ang sakit no'n sa part ko dati, kasi tuwing may mangyayari sa aking kahit ano, the first thing I think of is how I would share that story to him. I want him to be the very first person to know what's happening to me because he's the most important person in my life.

Pakiramdam ko kasi noon, siya lang ang meron ako. My parents love me, yes, pero hindi naman nila alam ang pinagdadaanan ko sa school. Na kahit sikat ako, maganda, at hinahangaan ay wala naman akong mga kaibigan dahil nai-insecure lahat sa akin. They all think that I'd just steal their boyfriends away from them even though the only thing I want is friendship and companionship.

I found both in Jiyong.

I treated him as my first real friend. Binigay ko lahat-lahat sa akin. I poured out the best I could have because I don't want to lose him.

Pero kahit na gaano ko man naubos ang sarili ko para sa kanya, I still lost him.

At hindi ako magsisinungaling. I don't want to be a hypocrite and fool myself into thinking that I'm not scared of this– whatever it is that's happening between us right now. Kasi takot ako. Takot na takot ako dahil kilala ko si Jiyong. Alam ko kung ano ang mahalaga sa kanya... alam ko kung ano ang kaya niyang isakripisyo para sa bagay na 'yon.