THE ONE

18. CHILDHOOD

I opened the door and laugh of children filled the house. My parents took a weekend off to go to the spa centre. It was a gift from my aunt. That's why I had to watch over my sister. But she wasn't alone.

"Kevin, hi! Tally, could you guys keep it down? I have an assignment to do."

"Sure, bro. We'll keep in down, but our pillow fort just wouldn't stand up. Could you help?", Tally said, forming a face you can't say no to.

In a half an hour we were finished. I thought about childhood. I missed it a lot.

Everything was so simple back then. My heart was whole and imagination of a happy ending filled my mind. I believed in magical powers and I wanted to be Harry Potter. I read all of the books, forming an imaginary world in my innocent mind. And there was this girl in my class, named Dew. We were best friends at the time and I had a crush on her. I always talked about her to my mom, saying: "She's my Dew of heaven". And she found it very cute, but she didn't believe it was real love. I get her now.

Dew was just a form of my imagination. She was real, but she was my form of real. I didn't know heartache at the time and we played the role of mommy and daddy. It was fun, but it wasn't real. Of course I felt good when she held my hand, but that wasn't love. It was a childish form of love.

I didn't know her for real. I didn't know her dark parts because there were none yet. It was just an imagination of growing up and being happy. But I didn't realise the happiness was in me, not in Dew. I formed an imaginary picture of her existence. I accepted her not for who she was; but who I wanted her to be.

And even as she was my first kiss, I soon grew up and that kiss meant nothing to me anymore. Because I didn't tremble, I didn't feel the butterflies. I just felt her lips pressed against mine and that was it.

Funny now that I think about it. That's just the way I felt when I kissed girls that were just a hot picture in my mind. An imagination of having a hot girlfriend, but all that remained were the love marks without the love.

Kevin interrupted my mind by saying: "Uhm, I know you helped us build the fort, but would you mind giving us some alone time? I have something I'd like to tell Tally."

Here we go again, childish kind of love.

"Yeah, of course, I won't bother you guys. I'll be in my room if you get hungry."

And just like that I was banned from a pillow fort, just like I was banned from having an imagination and being a child, facing reality all over again.