THE ONE

11. REALITY

I was woken up by the sound of my alarm clock. It was Monday again and I need to face another day without her; just like I've been doing for the last two years. But it was different and harder, too. I've never spoke to anyone about her before. That's why everything I was trying to forget came back. Just like a wave hitting the shore for the hundredth time, except it felt like a thousand waves together. That's how hard it hit this morning. I get the waves of missing her, but never like that. I knew I had to do something about it. Or just move on. Both will be tough roads.

Sophie isn't in my class but we do go to the same school. That's why we always have lunch together. I just hoped today's lunch won't be different from all of the lunches before. I hope she doesn't remember how I talked about Lorelay the other night. She didn't mention it to me since Saturday so I think she doesn't really remember it.

"Jasooooon!" Sophie screamed while running to me and giving me a hug. It was lunch time so it was normal, but seeing her so happy made me smile big time. I hugged her back and asked: "What are you so excited about?" 

"Liam forgave me for cheating. I told him everything, even what you said. You know; the thing about cheating on yourself by not telling. I told him that I love him, tears streaming down my face. Of course he was really disappointed in me, but he said that it doesn't change the way he feels about me. I know we've been together for only three months but I don't want to let him go. I imagine a future with him and I never want to suffer the way you still do."

That's when my smile once again left my face. She remembers the story. I don't know if that is a bad or a good thing. I mean, she can tell someone and my whole life can be ruined. But on the other hand she's my best friend and I couldn't keep it from her forever. She needs to know why I am the way I am.

"Jason, don't frown. C'mon, let's get lunch."

It is a month into senior year and the school feels the way school always feels on Mondays. Everybody is discussing about what they have been doing for the last two days, best friends screaming like they didn't see each other for eternity ... That always pisses me off. I mean what's there to say? We have all been sleeping, eating, maybe making out or having sex. We were living without actually being alive.

I'm sitting at my regular table with Sophie and as always, I hear the giggles of girls all around, looking at me with those dreamy eyes. I hear a lot of compliments every day so it's not really that big of a deal to me anymore. But all of those compliments from girls don't count if I don't have her making my life better. That giggles don't compare to her laughter when I said something dumb, just for her to be happy.

I lost faith in myself when she left.

But Sophie makes my everyday struggles seem less important by talking to me about random stuff. Sometimes I even loose myself in the moment of her speaking but the thoughts always come running back. That's when my face becomes filled with numbness once again.

"Jason, what's wrong?" asks Sophie with a worried look.

"Ugh, Sophie. I just wish I had the chance to hug her again. But now she's gone and I don't even know where. For the first year I sat on our bench every day in the hopes she would show up and I could explain that she never left my mind. I always think of her at night, imagining how perfect it would be to have her lying next to me. But I don't think that will ever happen again."

Sophie tried to cheer me up but it was no use. I couldn't be happy because she was the source of my happiness. And she always will be.