THE ONE

27. AM I FORGETTING SOMETHING?

She was at my place for two days and I promised her a road-trip as soon as collage year finishes. She's finishing the 3rd year of high school. She only has one more year till prom. It was a stressful time for me. That's why I understand we won't be able to see each other as much as we would like to.

Better wake up, sleepyhead. It's Monday after the one week long holidays we had. I got so used of being at home that I completely forgot to pack my things up so I can go to my door room. Well, the good thing is that my classes don't start till 11 AM. This means I still have 3 hours to pack. I'm not really a heavy sleeper. I guess it means I'm intelligent. Not to brag; it's just that's what the scientists say. People who need fewer hours to sleep are usually the ones with a higher IQ. Than how come I didn't remember to pack my things up yesterday? It's probably because she was still here, annoying me. Ugh, I guess my not caring method does no longer work. I really don't understand her ex for hurting her like that. I mean; she's perfect. Her hair, her voice, her eyes ...

"Daydreaming again, Jason?", mom says as she looks at me while leaning on a door frame.

I suppose I am pretty obvious, lying on my stomach, my face being pushed into a pillow I'm hugging. "Nooooo, why would you even say that? Ha-ha-haha-ha okay I'm going to stop now."

"I wondered if you would help me prepare a birthday cake. It's Kevin's birthday today, remember?"

"Oh, I totally forgot about that. I'm sorry. I'm going to help you, but I need to pack first. In the meantime you can go ask Tally if she wants to help."

"I already did that, but she said she's making him a present on her own. She said she will come help me once she's done."

"Oh, cute. Get the cake started. I'll be right with you."

I hear her humming to herself in the kitchen right after she gets downstairs. It's almost like she was singing to me as I was a little kid.

I'm packing up my toothbrush, toothpaste, the clothes ... Something's missing. I can feel it deep in my chest. I'm forgetting something. I'm sure. But what is it?

I look into my backpack again. The essentials are here. I guess I'm just being paranoid.

I walk downstairs and give a kiss to my mom as she's already mixing the dough. I pick up the recipe but I get distracted by the clock on the wall, ticking in rhythm as it always does. I look at the clock. It's 1 o'clock already? It's a half hour ride to the dorm room. I have to hurry up. "Mom, I got to go in an hour and a half, but it feels like I'm forgetting something." "Call Sophie, maybe she knows."

SOPHIE! HOW COULD I FORGET ABOUT HER? FUCK, I'M SUCH A SHITTY FRIEND.

"Mom, I completely forgot where my phone is. I mean I didn't use it at all while Jaclyn was here."

"It's in the living room cupboard. But Jason, you better hurry up because the cake won't make itself."

I half-run to the cupboard and notice my phone. 5 missed calls and 10 messages?! Fuck! I hope they're not all from Sophie. Curse my rule of always leaving my phone on silent.

I click on the phone calls: "5 missed calls from Soph", it reads. How am I ever going to fix this? I check the dates. 3 are from the same night, 4 days back with a 15 minute break in between, and the other 2 are from yesterday and the day before.

This is really bad. I'm worried. Did anything happen to her? Who forgets his only true friend?

10 messages:

My girl, 9:24 AM: "Good morning, baby! Hope you have a good one. <3" That was also send 3 hours ago, what the hell am I doing with my life?

The other 9 are from Sophie. That's what I was afraid of.

Four days ago I got those messages:

10:34 PM: "Jason, why don't you pick up? I really need you."

10:40 PM: "Please, pick up. I'm scared."

10:57 PM: "I fucked up again. I can't even call you anymore. I'm sorry for being a fuckup. Please, don't be mad at me. Good night."

11:34 PM: "I can't sleep because my pillow is soaked with tears. Call me. Please. I can't do this if I don't have you to call neither."

Two days ago I got those:

1:43 AM: "I don't know what I did to you, but I'm truly sorry. I know I'm a lot to handle. I can't even handle myself anymore. Maybe I should overdose."

1:56 AM: "You don't seem to miss me at all. But I miss you. So much. I'm a bit drunk. And there is nobody home. And you're not here. I just hoped that you will be by now."

3:25 AM: "There's a whole lot of blood on the floor and I'm losing my mind. I shouldn't have done this."

And I received those yesterday:

2:37 AM: "If you will ever check my messages, you're the last person I wrote to. Please, tell my mother not to cry. I know you won't. It's not any of your fault. I just couldn't deal with it. I got my pills ready on the counter. There are 5 of them. I think they will do just fine."

2:45 AM: "I had an inch of hope of you calling back. How could I be so stupid? I'm sorry. I love you. Goodbye forever."

"FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!", I scream to myself, tears running down my face. She can't be dead. She mustn't be. Sophie, please. I'm shaking so much. I can't even click on my phone to call her anymore. God, a panic attack is coming on. Oh, everything is turning black. I only just feel myself bumping into my head. I guess it was the edge of the counter. Darkness takes over me.