THE ONE

21. HE GIVES LOVE A BAD NAME

"Knock knock!" I say, knocking on Jaclyn's door.

"Who's there?", she says back.

Well fuck, I wasn't ready for that one. Let's improvise shall we.

"De Niro."

"De Niro who?", I overhear her laugh behind the room door.

I step in and as I'm walking to her bed, I say: "De Niro I am to you, the more beautiful you get."

She giggles, her cheeks blushing. "Aww, Jason, you really shouldn't have."

Oh, that's right. Her smile is too enchanting that I could think about the flowers she noticed.

"I didn't come see you in like three days, so I wanted to make it up to you. It's cheesy, I know."

I feel so stupid. I mean she has a boyfriend but I need to ask why she even likes him. I've been thinking about how things could've been if I wasn't there to save her. I close my eyes at the thought of her getting hurt. I put flowers into the vase on the cupboard beside her bed.

"Did you just cringe?"

"What? Oh, sorry."

"No, it's okay. But are you okay? You look so tired."

"Yeah, I'm okay. But does that mean I'm not pleasant to look at?", I say, forming a charming smile. I'm such a fool for her, but I still let the flirty side of me speak. I guess that's my defence so I don't catch feelings. I guess it's too late, as she smiles playfully and looks at me with her deep brown eyes: "You are never pleasant to look at."

Her face lights up as she the voice of her laughter covers up the sound of her heartbeat, which writes lines on the machine beside her bed.

"Jacyln, may I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"Why do you like Saden?"

Her smile fades and I hope I didn't ask too much. I only saw her three times and I'm already asking her about personal things.

"I'm sorry, you don't need to answer to that question. I see that you're not okay with speaking about it."

"Uhm, no. It's okay, I just really wasn't expecting you asking that. We've been together for a year and a half. 

I met him when my life was falling apart, but I didn't know he was bringing me down even more than the thing I tried to run away from. I don't even know what it was. I just felt empty, like a piece of me was missing. And I needed somebody to take care of me as I failed to do so. He seemed like such a pleasant guy to be with for about 4 months, but then I realized my love for him was blocking the view of his true self. I always forgave him for every bad word he said to me. He introduced me to drugs and cigarettes. You know; the things people run to when they're at their worst. I wanted to drown my pain in alcohol too, but nothing helped. Sometimes he even drugged me, so he could do what he pleases. He raped me, but I didn't call it rape, because I still loved him. And that was the thing that killed me. I believed him more than my own friends. But later, when I saw him with his body on another girl, I knew the image I created of him, was incorrect. I wanted to leave him, but I believed his words more than his actions. He said I'm the only one for him as he was leaving to spend the night beside someone else. He pleaded me not to leave him as he always left when I ended up in tears every night. And when I finally stopped believing his words, his fists became stronger than my will to fight back. He's so abusive and he always causes me bruises when I say I can't do this anymore. 

He does what he pleases, but I don't accept drinks from him anymore or take the pills down my throat. I'm smart enough to not do that, but I still self-harm. I don't love him anymore. I just can't walk away because I'm scared of him opening up my skin apart as I say that I should leave, so I just don't."

"I'm going to kill that bastard. Who does he think he is?"

"I'm used to it, Jason."

"He will not cause you trouble anymore. Not on my watch."