My husband took away my scale. After realizing how it has negatively affected my disease, he decided it was best for me to no longer know my weight. It has been killing me inside! I know I shouldn't obsess over my weight, but I cannot stop! I constantly think about how many calories are in everything. I'm beginning to fear even drinking water because it might make me appear bloated. This sickness has gotten worse than I have ever imagined possible. I base everything I do around food. I hate it! I can't do normal things anymore. The things I was so used to doing have now become a battle. If I want to go anywhere, I have to decipher how long I may be standing because I don't want to faint in front of anyone from lack of nutrition. I can't drink alcohol anymore. I can't even play with my children the way I used to be able to. My life has become one big, "I'll try again tomorrow."
I lay in my bed at night and pinch my fat on stomach and thighs. With tears in my eyes, I have to force sleeping pills down my throat just to be able to close my eyes and slip away from the nightmare. It's so exhausting. I find myself struggling to breathe most nights. My anxiety has gotten so bad. I can't even go outside to check my mail without making sure that I look perfect and no fat is showing anywhere on my body. I cannot mentally take this obsession any longer. I have become so preoccupied with my weight that it's the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about before I fall asleep. My hair has become so thin. It's coming out in globs. My teeth are so sensitive now. I shake all the time. My stomach always hurts and my throat is always sore. I have completely ruined myself.
I have nightmares at night about gaining weight. I wake up sweating and find myself grasping at my skin. Then I cry. I don't know how I let it get this bad but I fear that it's only able to get worse from here on out. With no one to talk to who can understand, I feel so alone. So lost. So deeply destroyed.
How do you fix something so broken?
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Starving For Help
Non-Fiction"I smile everyday. I live my life like nothing is wrong with me. No one would ever guess that I'm screaming inside or that I've secretly been hiding this huge part of my life. No one would ever know that I cry myself to sleep at night or that deep d...
