I am currently receiving treatment for my Anorexia in an Eating Disorder treatment center. I thought that living with Anorexia was one of the toughest battles of my life. Turns out, recovering is a much more difficult challenge. I know it's going to take time. I am going to have set backs. I will relapse once in a while. I will need my support team on a daily basis to stop me from acting on my impulses. I still get urges to turn back. Mostly because I don't know how to survive as a normal person anymore. It was easier letting my ED make all the decisions for me. Now I have to try to let go and leave my ED in the past. I'm still figuring that part out.
Eating is still, and probably always will be a very tough battle. The toughest part about it is afterwards. Trying to block out the voice in my head that still needs Ana. I occupy myself immediately after eating anything. I paint, I write, I play with my kids. Anything to keep me away from a toilet and keep my mind away from veering off to that place of self hatred.
It's going to take time and a lot of hard work, but I'm finally starting to believe that one day, I will be able to love myself and I won't need to relapse again to feel whole. I will accept myself and learn to love everything about me that I was blinded from noticing before.
I will recover because I am stronger than Anorexia. I want to live, not just survive.
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Starving For Help
Non-Fiction"I smile everyday. I live my life like nothing is wrong with me. No one would ever guess that I'm screaming inside or that I've secretly been hiding this huge part of my life. No one would ever know that I cry myself to sleep at night or that deep d...
