My Angel of Music

I Cannot Live Without My Soul

Erik's fever finally broke but after a rather difficult night.

He had been sleeping all day and his fever had taken a turn for the worse.  His face was sweaty yet his teeth chattered with cold.  I didn't know what to do.  I decieded not to let him overheat and just leave one blanket on his sleeping form.

I hadn't slept in days.  I stayed awake most of the night, at Erik's bed side, attending to his every need.  If he muttered water in his feverish sleep I would jump up and hold the cool cup to his lips.  But one night as I wiped his sweat away with a wet cloth, his eyes fluttered open and the hallucinations began.

His eyes widened at something behind me.  I turned to look but nothing was there.  Erik started to shout "Christine!  No!  Don't do that to her!  I'll do anything!"  He thrashed around as if being held by invisble hands.  His pleads turned to threats, "I swear to God, if you lay one hand on her I will find you all and kill you and your families slowly!"  He growled.

I grabbed his wrists.  "Erik, it's alright.  Look I'm right here!  Erik look at me!"  I begged.  He looked right through me as if I wasn't there.  He started to cry as the hallucination progressed, I guessed it got to the part where the men held me down and stole my innocence.  "Christine, I'm so soryy."  Erik cried with tears streaming down his face.  

I too started to cry, remembering the horrid men.  But then as quickly as it had come the hallucinatin disappeared.  Erik then finally looked at me, but with cold, unfeeling eyes.

"You.  You wicked woman."  He whispered throwing me on the floor.  I cried out in surprise as I hit the cold ground.  "Oh, Christine."  He sneered, standing up.  "You do not love me.  You never did and never will.  You feel nothing more than pity for me."  He then grabbed me by the wrists and pulled me up to him.  He brought me as close as we could get without touching.  He took my shoulders roughly, I could feel a bruise forming.  "I loved you, oh how I loved you with all the power of my soul but now.....How can I?"  He whispered.  I flinched at his hurtful yet true words.

"You wicked, wicked slut!  You've hurt me so many times and never felt a twinge of guilt.  Yet, now you are here, pretending and acting."  Erik growled and threw me down once more,  He strode out of the room.  "Erik!  Erik wait!  Don't go out there, you're sick!  Come back, Angel!  I yelled rushing after him.

I knew that it was just the fever talking but his words cut me deep.  I really did hurt him, and somehow deep in his heart he must believe the words he just spewed at me or he wouldn't have spoken them.  I finally caught up to him and his long strides.  I tried to grab his shoulders but he just shook me off.  So I decided to try a new menouever.  I leaped onto his back and caught him by surprise.  He fell to the ground with me on his back.

"Erik, if you get back in bed I have a treat for you."  I offered in a sweet voice.  "What kind of treat?"  He perked up like a child.  "It's a surprise.  But you have to get in bed first."  I ordered like a mother.  Erik jumped up and raced to the bedroom.  I followed wondering what "treat"  I was going to give him.  Then I remembered the piece of peppermint I bought at the market yesterday.  I took it out of my bag and placed it behind my back and walked into the room.

"Where's my treat, Christine?"  He demanded, sitting up in bed.  I took his hand and placed the peppermint in it.  He looked at it questioningly.  "What is this supposed to be?"  He asked, getting angry.  I just smiled, disguising the pain in my heart at his earlier words.  "It's a peppermint candy, sily."  I explained.  When he showed no comprhension I sighed.  "You eat it, Erik."  I said.

He hesitantly put it in his mouth and rolling it around with his tongue, smiled.  "This is.....This is good!"  He cried happily.  I laughed.  "Okay, Erik now you have to go to sleep now, okay?"

"Okay, Chrisitne."  He sighed and laid his head on the pillow.

I sat beside him, wondering if he really loved me like he said before or if he me like he now said.  When I was sure he was asleep I began to cry softly.  I cried knowing that I had broken my angel's heart and I might never be able to repair it..

                                                                                     * * *

Erik's fever broke after a night of tossing and turning.  I fell asleep in the chair beside his bed and had a horrible thread of dreams the whole night.  I would wake every few hours, gasping and crying from the nightmares.  Then I would check my angel's fever and drift back to sleep.  In the morning I checked and Erik's forehead was no longer hot and he wasn't drenched with sweat!

I giggled excitedly and stroked his unmasked cheek.  His deformity hardly bothered me any more but he would still have to wear his mask if we were to have servants.

We.  The thought of us having something together brightned my mood and sent my heart fluttering.  We would have a beautiful house.  We would have a few dogs.  We would own a pretty garden filled with roses.

A soft moan interrupted my thoughts.  I turned to see Erik staring at me with his big emerald eyes.  "Good Morning, Love.  How are you feeling?"  I chirped.  "Exceptionally well, thank you."  He replied.  He sat up and rubbed his eyes, reaching for his mask.  But I grabbed it before he could.  "No mask for you for a few days monsiuer."  I said shaking a finger at him.  He moaned.  "Why not, Christine?"  He whined.  "Because it rubs your face raw and makes you hot."  I said smiling at him.

Erik sighed and shook his head and mutterd something under his breath.  "What was that?'  I asked.  "Nothing, Christine."  He gave me a rare smile.  

I bent down to him and gave him a soft kiss on the forehead.  He grabbed my waist and pulled me down to him.  I laughed, landing right beside him.  He started to kiss up my arm.  I closed my eyes, savoring the feel of his soft lips on my skin.  Then I cried out in pain for he had put pressure on the bruise on my arm.  He retreated and saw the hand shaped bruise.

"What......Who did this?"  He asked anger in his eyes.  "Nobody, I did that to myself on accident."  I lied, looking at the ground.  "You are lying to me, Christine.  I will not allow you to lie to me.  Tell me the truth, now."  He said threatingly.  I gulped.  How was I to tell him that he did this to me?  He would be so angry with himself.  But I could not lie to him either.

"Well, love, you were very feverish and you were hallucinating and you grabbed me by the arm a little roughly, but it's alright.  I'm fine, and you didn't mean it so it's okay!"  I whispered, taking his hand.  He sat down on the bed and put me on his lap.  I could tell he was tormenting himself in his head.  "Angel, please stop.  You didn't mean it."  I cooed, stroking his head.

"I am so sorry, Christine.  I'm like a poisine that keeps ruining you."  He muttered.  I then shoved his shoulder, roughly.  He looked up at me confused but I was angry.  "You are not ruining me, Erik.  It is I who is ruining you!  You said so yourself."  I hissed.  How could he think that he was bad for me?  It was the exact opposite.

Erik looked utterly confused now.  "When did I ever say something like that?"  He inquired.  I couldn't keep it in anymore.  "Last night you said that I was a wicked slut and that I didn't really love you, just pitied you.  Then you said that you used to love me with all your soul but now you hated me because I had hurt you so much."  I sobbed, finally letting it out.

"Mon ange, I did not mean that.  Please do not ever think that I meant those awful words."  He whispered.  I buried my head in his chest, weeping with relief.  He stroked my hair and cradled me like a child.  "I am awful for hurting you, so.  Please forgive me."  He begged.  I couldn't answer for I was crying to hard.

Every time I turned around one of us was crying!  I guess we just needed to let out all the hurt we had built up.  Soon we would be much happier, I decided.