My Angel of Music

Solitude

Erik doted on me for the remainder of the day, feeding me, talkng to me, and brushing my hair.  That night as we both laid in bed, preparing for sleep I felt a surge of guilt.  "I am sorry, Erik."  I apologized.  "For what?"  He asked.  "Ruining our first day of being man and wife."  i explained.  "No, ma cherie.  You could not help it.  I should be making you feel more beautiful.  Then you wouldn't have found it necessary to not feed yourself."  he argued.  "You always find some way to blame youself.  No, it was completly my fault.  You make me feel more beautiful than an angel.  But I am a woman, my love.  We have weaknesses."  I joked.  Erik kissed me goodnight and we fell asleep in one another's arms.

***

The next week was perfect.  I would wake to Erik kissing my cheek or the smell of coffee.  Erik would fetch our breakfast and we would dine together, holding hands the whole time.  Then we would stroll in the rose garden, stopping to smell the newly budded flowers.  He would pick one for me and dethorn them so I would not prick myself.  We would go upstairs and talk for a few hours before going to the library to read.  Then when I tired of reading, I would go to the bedroom for a nap, and Erik would go to the music room to play his music.  But as the weeks past, he spent more and more time in the music room, and less time with me.

At first it was just while I slept but then it was all morning, then all afternoon, and eventually he only joined me for breakfast and dinner.  I understood that he was used to being alone, and that's what brought him comfort, but it left me empty and lonely.  Every once and a while he would call me in to sing with him, but that only happened every few days.

One day, I, myself, prepared his lunch.  I had never cooked before and I had asked one of the servants to help me make Shepards Pie.  I spent all morning making it. I put all my energy into it and was exhausted by the time lunch hour came.  I put it on a plate and walked to his door and knocked timidly.  "Come in."  Was my blunt reply. I opened the door and entered the dark room.  A single candle lit up the room dimly.  I walked to Erik's chair and set the dish on the piano.  "Christine, don't do that!  You'll ruin my piano."  he scolded, removing the food dish and placing it in his lap.  "I am sorry, my love.'  I stammered.

He sighed.  "It is alright."  He lifted the plate off of his lap and put it on the nearest round table.  He motioned for me to sit in his lap.  I did so happily.  I fed him his shepards pie, and told him it was made by myself.  "Christine!  You made this?"  He was shocked.  I nodded.  "That is highly improper.  But thank you.  It is all the better because you made it."  He gave up on trying to scold me. I started to fidget with my skirt.  "I was wondering if you wanted to take a stroll in the garden?"  I inquired timidly.  He turned away.  "I am afraid I am much too busy, my dear."  Was my answer.  I sighed and stood up, taking his plate.  I kissed the top of his head.  "I miss you."  I whispered.  Erik turned around.  "But I am right here, my love."  He said, confused.  I nodded.  "I know."  I said before leaving the room.

***

Another month passed and there was no change.  I was begininng to feel quite deserted in the world.  I knew that I had to give Erik his space, but I needed him near me.  One day I sat in the library and began to think(never a good thing).  I began to think of a solution to my little problem.  Something that was bound to bring him back to me!

I walked happily to the music room where Erik, of couse, sat playing a piece that he had written.  It was absolutley beautiful.  I had spent many nights sitting outside the door, listening to his hands press on the keys and make a wonderful sound.  This song, in paticular, he had played many times.  I entered without knocking and snuck up behind him and placed my hands on his shoulders.  He didn't jump.  He must have heard me come in.  "Yes, Christine"?  He almost sounded annoyed.  "Can we talk?"  I asked.  He sighed and motined for me to sit down.

"Erik, I was just wondering.  Well I was thinking and......Can we have a child?"  I rushed to the point.  Erik looked taken aback.  "Christine, I don't know."  He said, turning away.  But I grabbed his hand.  "Please?"  I pleaded.  I just knew a child would keep him away from the piano.  It would bring him to me, and we could become a family.  "Christine, it's so soon.  We've only been married two monthes."  He repied.  "Erik, please...."  I started but he interrupted me.  "Why can't you just be happy with what you've got?"  He was refraining from yelling.  My temper began to rise.  "I am happy!  I just think that we would love a child!"  I argued.  "Christine, no. Not now.  Please, leave me be."  He was breathing heavily.  

Okay, no he was really making me mad.  "That's always how it is.  Leave you alone.  You want to know why I want a child so badly?"  I hissed.  He nodded, his jaw clenched.  "Yes, Christine.  Tell me why you will not stop nagging me about the subject."  He said calmly.  But I was anything but calm.  "Because I am lonley, Erik!  You may share a house with me but we might as well live in different countries!  I yearn for your company but you stay in this blasted room all day!  I am bored!  I have nothing to occupy my time."  I yelled.  Erik's face got red. He stood up and towered over me.  "Oh, so you're bored, are you?  Are you bored of me already?  Are you going to run off with Raoul now?"  he growled.  I took a step back.  "Erik, you know I would never..."  He interrupted me.  "Just like you did before?  Are you going to betray be again and leave me once more?"  His voice was calm but his body shook.

I went pale.  "Erik I will never leave you."  I whispered.  He ignored me and walked out of the room.  I followed, my anger bubbling to the surface.  He was about to go into the bedroom when I stopped him.  "Now you're just going to go into another dark room and shut me out?  Fine, but you are the one leaving me!"  I screamed before fleeing down the stairs.  I didn't stop until I reached the library.  I flung myself on the divan and started to sob.  I cried my heart out.  Had he stopped loving me?  Did I do something wrong?  I knew I would never know those questions until I asked him.  But I didn't want to face him.  

After a few minutes of pondering I wiped away my tears and started up the stairs, taking my time.  I reached the door and was about to reach for the handle when the door swung open and there stood Erik.  He looked surprised for a moment but composed himself.  His eyes were puffy and his cheeks were red.  "Christine."  He whispered before I jumped into his arms.  I wrapped my legs around his hips and my arms around his neck.  My body was twisted around his but he carried me as if I didn't weigh anything at all.  He set me on the bed and my tears came back.  "Erik, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have.."  Erik put a finger to my lips.  "No, it is I who is sorry.  I over reacted.  I have left you quite alone, which was very wrong of me.  I promise to do better.  Please forgive me."  He whispered.  I could only nod.  He wiped away my tears and began kissing my neck.

I opened my eyes for just a moment and saw something crimson running down his masked cheek.  I pulled away and removed his mask.  He flinched.  What I saw horrified me.  Long scratch marks ran down his distorted cheek.  They were bloody and raw,making his flesh seem worse.  "Dear God.  Oh, Erik did you do this to yourself?"  I cried.  He looked down revealing the answer with his sad eyes.  "Oh God, Erik no!  I am so sorry!"  I sobbed, collapsing in his arms.  "I am so very sorry!  I cannot believe I made you feel this way!  Please do not ever do this again!"  I started planting kisses along his distorted cheek, my tears mingiling with his own.  "Promise me."  I begged.  "I promise, my dear."  He whispered.

Then he laid me down and made amends without words.