The Emo Girl And The Nerd

Grounded

I don't answer my dad instead I stand there frozen.
"Jordyn?" Dad asks.
He walks closer and I can hear him just outside my door.
"Jordyn are you in here?" Dad asks knocking on my door.
I don't answer but the door slowly opens and my dad peeks his head inside and instantly spots Tyler.
He doesn't freak out instead he calmly walks in which scares me even more.
"May I ask what Tyler is doing here?" Dad asks calmly.
"Um... It's not what it looks like." I defend.
"Then what is it?" Dad asks.
"We accidentally fell asleep, nothing happened." Tyler speaks up.
"Did I ask you?" Dad asks rudely.
"Sorry." Tyler says.
"Dad! Nothing happened! Not that you would know anyways cause your never here!" I yell.
"Your grounded." Dad says bluntly.
"What the hell?! We didn't do anything!" I argue.
"I don't care." Dad says before leaving.
I slam the door and cover my face with my hands.
Tears fall down my face as I press my back to the door and slide to the floor.
Tyler kneels beside me and rubs my back.
"Jordyn I'm sorry I didn't mean to get you in trouble." Tyler says.
"It wasn't your fault." I say wiping tears away.
Tyler sighs and sits beside me.
"You should probably go." I say after a few minutes.
"I'll text you later." He says.
"No my dad's gonna take my phone." I say standing up.
Tyler stands up with me and hugs me.
"Sorry." He says.
"It's fine." I say.
Tyler sighs and walks out of my room leaving me alone.
I lock the door and lay on my bed staring at the ceiling.
My dad knocks on the door and I ignore him.
"Jordyn open this door." He demands.
"Leave me alone." I say.
"Open this door now!" He yells.
I sigh and get up to open the door.
"Why don't you trust me?" I ask dad.
"I don't like my daughter sleeping with a boy I barely know." Dad says.
"God! You make it sound like we had sex!" I yell.
"I'm not saying that." Dad says.
"Maybe we did." I say.
"I never know anymore with you." Dad sighs.
"Yeah you never know anymore cause your never around!" I yell in his face.
He sighs and puts his face in his hands.
"And maybe if you hadn't pushed mom away I wouldn't be like this." I say shutting the door in his face.
"Jordyn!" Dad yells.
I lock the door as tears run down my face.
My eyes go to the drawer next to my bed.
I had fought the urge for two months but I couldn't take it anymore.
I open the drawer and take out the razor blade.
Tears run down my face as blood creeps down my thigh.
I felt no pain anymore.
It was numb to feeling.
I hate myself for doing this.
I had been doing so good since me and Tyler started dating.
A few weeks after we started dating he found out about what I did to myself.
He talked me into stoping and I hadn't done it till now.
More blood ran down my leg as anger crept into my brain.
I felt guilty for doing this.
I had promised Tyler I wouldn't.
Maybe my word meant nothing.
My hands shake as I throw the razor across the room.
I grab a black tank top from my drawer and dab up the blood with it.
My leg shakes as the cloth comes in contact with the open cut.
It hurts like hell but I promised Tyler I wouldn't.
I grab my phone off my bed, blood on my hands, and I dial Tyler's number.
It rings a few times before Tyler picks up.
"Hey are you OK?" He asks me.
"No." I say as tears slide down my face.
"I cut again." I say wiping tears away.
"Jordyn." Tyler says.
"I'm sorry, I know I promised I wouldn't." I say.
"No just tell me what happened." Tyler says.
"After you left we got in an argument and I ended up not being able to fight it anymore." I say.
"Jordyn I'm sorry this is all my fault." He says.
"No it's not, I always manage to fuck something up." I say.
"No, it's not your fault, you didn't do anything wrong." He says.
"I'm sorry for messing up again." I say before hanging up.
I turn off my phone and look down at my leg.
The bleeding had mostly stopped so I took the tank top off and threw it on the floor.
Fuck life.
My phone rings telling me I'm getting a call from Tyler.
I debate picking it up but finally after six rings I pick it up.
"Jordyn." Tyler says with a concerned voice.
"Yeah." I say rubbing my eyes.
I look down at my hands and there's still blood on them still.
"Please don't do anything you'll regret." Tyler begs.
"Just stay with me until I fall asleep?" I ask.
"How about you Skype me?" He asks.
"Sure I'll call you now." I say opening my computer.
I get to Skype and call Tyler.
"Ok I just called you." I say.
"Ok I'm gonna hang up now." Tyler says.
"Yepp." I say.
Tyler hangs up the phone and almost instantly picks up on Skype.
"Hey." I say smiling at him.
"Hey angel." Tyler says.
My heart tingles at his nickname for me.
Angel?
Sorry maybe angel of the underworld.
"I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have." I say rubbing my eyes.
"I just don't want you hurt." Tyler says.
"Thanks." I say.
"Where's your dad?" He asks.
"Probably went out." I say.
"I'm sorry." He says.
"It want your fault, he always does this." I say.
"I just feel like I could've prevented it." Tyler says.
"You couldn't have, he's always been like this and always will." I say.
"Are you gonna be ok?" Tyler asks concerned.
"I don't know." I admit.
"Just talk to me until you fall asleep." Tyler says.
"I'm not going to be able to sleep." I say.
"I just want to make sure your ok." He says.
"Thank you." I say.
"I had been doing so good for two months but I couldn't take it anymore." I say looking down at my leg.
"Please don't do this, I don't want you to hurt." Tyler begs.
"I'm sorry, I tried but I couldn't." I say as tears slide down my face.
"How many times?" Tyler asks.
"Just once." I say wiping a tear away.
"I'm sorry, I should've called you when I left." Tyler says.
"Is not your fault, I was stupid and couldn't handle it." I say.
"Your not stupid." Tyler says.
I roll my eyes and sit against the headboard.
"Thank you, for being here for me." I say smiling.
"I'll be here anytime you need." Tyler says.
"Thanks." I say.
"I just wish this didn't have to happen." He says.
"Tyler it wasn't your fault." I say.
He sighs and puts his head in his hands.
"I'm just sorry I couldn't keep my promise." I say.
"You tried." Tyler says.
"Yeah, and failed." I say.
"You didn't fail, you tried being strong for too long." Tyler says.
"Thanks." I say looking down.
"I'll help you, but it's really all up to you to stop, I'm not judging you, I just don't want you to hurt yourself." Tyler says.
"I'll try." I say.
"Thank you." Tyler says smiling.
"I'm sorry about my dad being rude to you earlier." I say.
"It's fine." Tyler says.
"You shouldn't beat yourself up over this." He ads.
"Thanks but I feel like it was my fault." I say looking down at my hands.
"It wasn't your fault." Tyler sighs.
I run my hands through my hair and close my eyes.
"Beautiful." Tyler whispers.
I just barely hear him but my cheeks turn a dark shade of red.
I really didn't think of myself as beautiful.
My body wasn't that great.
I was quite short.
My hair right now was in a big messy bun.
And I had tear stains running down my face.
Yeah not really beautiful.
"Um.. I should probably go before dad finds out I'm talking to you." I say sighing.
"Ok, I'll talk to you tomorrow." Tyler says frowning.
"Bye." I say.
"Sleep well beautiful Angel." Tyler says.
I smile and close the call.
Even after talking to him for just a few minutes he made me feel a lot better.
I sigh and crawl under my blankets.
Sleep just wouldn't come to me.
I tried for hours but I just couldn't.
So I decided to go outside to get fresh air.
I walk downstairs and quietly open the door and walk out onto the porch.
The cool summer night air washes over me as I sit down on the steps of the porch.
My mind raced at a million miles an hour.
Everything my dad had said to me.
Everything I had said to my dad.
A tear escaped my eye as I thought about it.
I really should apologize.
But we didn't do anything wrong.
Seriously what's wrong with just sleeping together?
We didn't do anything.
Ok maybe a small makeout session.
But still!
Nothing happened.
I didn't swipe my v-card and I don't intend to for awhile.
I mean I love teasing Tyler about it but I wouldn't do it unless I was completely sure.
And I wasn't.
Don't get me wrong, Tyler's a terrific guy, but we'd only been dating  three months and I wasn't ready.
I may seem like a girl who just goes around sleeping with any guy.
But people only say that cause I'm emo.
They don't know how to deal with someone like me so they call me a slut.
I shake my head at the thought.
Stupid people.
A cold wind sweeps across me making my body chill.
I stand up just as my phone dings.
I pull it out of my pocket to see a text from Tyler.