In These Lyrics

My Song

Erens POV

[Self harm warning]

I shoved my hands deep into my pocket and flinched against the harsh sunlight, even through my cheap sunglasses, the sun hurt like hell.

I walked down the bustling sidewalk on my way to my cheap apartment. Trying my best to ignore the strange feeling the sun gave me today. I noticed my dilapidated building slowly appearing nearer and quickly hurried inside. I jiggled my key in my door before it actually gave way to my barren apartment. I immediately went and closed the blinds and made my way to the bathroom.

My client was really rough today. An oddly beautiful girl with black hair and grey eyes. And very pale skin. So pale it looked like moonlight rather than an actual physical object.

While we were doing business she bit me quite hard on the neck. I don't even know if she realized she had done it. But I didn't complain, I needed the money and I couldn't risk her not giving me full payment for my... My... Services. If that's what you could call this horrible excuse of an occupation.

I looked in the mirror at my haggard appearance. My dull eyes. My dull hair. My dull expression. I was so ugly, nobody even cared and nobody understood. I have nothing good in my life. To have enough money to live I have to fuck anyone who's willing to give me money for it. I don't even know why I even try living anymore. I have nothing to live for. No girlfriend, no boyfriend, no legal job, no friends, no family. I don't even have a nice body. I am bone thin and have ugly face.

I looked at my bored face again and noticed two red dots on my neck. I reached up to touch them.

Blood. On my fingers. I pulled my hand up to my mouth and licked it. Something in my brain space exploded and everything went black.

•••

I woke up with my back against the cold bathroom floor. I placed a hand on the edge of my bathtub to try and pull myself up but just fell back down again when I instantly felt dizzy again. I reached toward the counter and felt my fingers curl around the familiar grip of a daily used blade. I pulled it off of the counter and brought it to my wrist. I was so useless, couldn't even stand on my own. I brought the blade down, one crimson line, a dull throb was soon felt, but it wasn't nearly as bad as it used to be. I needed more than that.

No friends. Another slash.

No family. A third bloody line.

No job. I brought the small knife down but noticed only two red lines, I could have sworn I had cut three. I dropped the knife now that I had lost my momentum, I now felt as if I couldn't continue. I stood up, more light-headed than dizzy now, and washed the blood off my wrists, or at least I was going to, but there was no blood, or even scars on my wrist. Which was completely impossible because only yesterday I remember having seen at least seven on each wrist, and now there were none.

What the hell.

•••

I decided to ignore it and look up in the mirror to see if I could maybe fix my hair. I was shocked to see my hair was not in its usual messy state. Instead it stayed flat and straight against my head. A few pieces hung over my face and the back of my neck tickled from where I could feel the ends of my hair against it.

My hair was also coloured different. Instead of a dull dark brown, I found myself staring at shiny light brown hair with dark brown low-lights. I stared wide-eyed at the beautiful hair on my head.

Holy shit.

My eyes.

I couldn't stop looking at them. Instead of their previously gross, and dull bluey green eyes, they were bright blue with flecks of emerald green and a dark turquoise colour lining the pupil and iris. My face looked so much better than it had earlier. I ran a hand along my face. It was so soft. Wait. This is wrong. Why did I go from super ugly, to, to-to THIS! How did this happen. This was to unfamiliar, I didn't even think I knew myself anymore. Who was this beautiful person in front of me.

I needed something familiar. Something old.

I went over to my desk. Bare except for some lined paper and a pen from a cheap hotel. I vented. Pen on paper for hours, long past the setting sun. I guess these papers were a bit different than you average teenage diary though. Most boys my age didn't have a diary, but I did, and even if they did I can almost guarantee that it is still different. I didn't write my thoughts in sentences and paragraphs. I wrote them in verses and stanzas. Songs. I had at least forty just laying untouched in the desk drawer since I had wrote them. Songs about a painful past, painful present and a hopeful future. None of my songs were happy, none of them were sad. They were real, I never used to consider 'real' as an emotion, but after Mikasa left me, the last person I had, my outlook on life changed.

I looked down about the song I had just written, and felt as if it summed up my life. I had named it 'No one Can Hear Me' and had poured all my thoughts and feelings into it, I even involved my change in appearance into it. I felt inspired by this song and thought that if anyone one else was out there who was like me, that they might like to hear this.

I looked over by my bed where a dusty and out of tune acoustic guitar lay. My father taught me how to play it when I was younger, I was really quite good at it but kind of gave up on it when he left. I now walk towards it with a determination I haven't felt in months. I picked it up, coughing a bit when the dust loosened and made way to my nose. I sat on the edge of my bed and plucked the strings to hear how badly out of tune it was and tuned it quickly. I played a few practice songs to get back into the feel of it.

I started making a tune and melody for the song I had just written. Than I started singing to it. I had never noticed how I actually sang decently.

After I had practiced a bit. I picked up my phone and set it up as a camera and filmed my song. After I was done my fingers hurt and were red on the tips. I re-watched my video and than posted it on YouTube, Twitter, Facebook and Instagram and placed it under a bunch of hash tags that related to the song and video.

Little did I know that that video would change my life completely.

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If your waiting for Levi, please wait a bit longer, this was kind of just a prologue.

QOTD: What is up with Eren and his new looks and quickly healing wounds?

Thanks for reading!