In Touch - L.T 1D

Chapter Fifty Six

Chapter Fifty Six

I let out a huge sigh as I continue to stare up at the white ceiling. Ever since the boys left half an hour ago to talk to Simon or something like that, I have been left to my own devices. Left with nothing but my thoughts to keep me company.

And being left with my thoughts is never a good thing.

I'm not going to lie, I did try doing a few things to stop my mind from going down that path, like watching the television, but nothing seemed to work. I just couldn't seem to focus. I couldn't seem to pay attention to anything that I was doing, so I gave up.

I guess, ever since I woke up I've always had trouble concentrating on everything. On the words coming out of the boys mouths. On the way my feet have to be placed one in front of the other so I can walk. On anything really.

Nothing ever just sticks. I can never just sit down and read a book for two hours. I can barely concentrate on the words on the page for more then ten minutes. Maybe it's because my brain, without my permission, is using all its power to find those lost memories.

Or maybe it's the constant nagging at the back of my mind, that constant feeling in my gut, that is trying to tell me that something in my life is missing. That there is a bigger picture and instead of focusing on one tiny pixel, I need to zoom out and witness the entire thing.

But the thing is, I can't. Every day I try to zoom out, to view the picture in its entirety, but there is always something stopping me. Some days I can zoom out a little bit, zoom out enough that the blurry pixel I was staring at is now a larger, less blurry image. But I can never manage to see it all.

I guess that's just what happens when you lose your memories.

But the feeling, that nagging feeling, some days it drives me insane. Sometimes I just can't cope with it. Some days it get so intense, it's like this white hot burning sensation at the back of my brain and i can never seem to grasp it to put out the fire that has ignited there.

It's horrible.

I always feel so lost when it comes to my memories too. I feel like the boys are always just sitting around, waiting for me to scream out that I remember. That I remember anything. But as time goes on, I'm starting to lose hope.

I try to hold onto the hope and the faith but I'm not sure I can anymore. I just feel like, as more time passes, the less chance I have of remembering. And I don't want to let the boys down like that. I know that they are waiting out for the day that I remember everything, but I don't know when that will be.

It could be tomorrow or in ten years.

It could be never.

I don't know when it will be and that is what scares me the most. The uncertainty of the situation. That feeling of, that scary feeling of 'when?'. I've never like the feeling of uncertainty. I never been a huge fan of it. It used to drive me insane.

I hate the feeling of not knowing. I hate the feeling of not knowing what will happen tomorrow or in the next five minutes. That's always been my biggest fear. Not my mother. Not the bullies. Not even death.

Uncertainty.

I know that it's a stupid fear to have but it's there and I've never been able to get rid of it. No matter how much I tell myself that it's okay, that there is nothing to be scared of in ten years or in five minutes, I am still petrified of the future and what it holds.

Suddenly, a loud bang echos around the house, causing me to jump about five feet in the air. I quickly sit up, worried that someone has broken into the house, only to see that the wind coming in the window knocked a photo frame over.

I don't know who's 'smart' idea it was to put a photo frame next to a window that will be opened constantly but I applaud them. Really I do. I could never come up with such a genius plan.

Please, note my sarcasm.

As I lie back down on the couch, I am shocked when I feel my brain go a little fuzzy, the sign that I have come to realise means that I am remembering a memory. My body goes tense in fear and preparation. If it is anything like the last memory then I don't want to remember.

"What are you talking about?" I hear a woman scream from upstairs.

My eyes dart around in fear, expecting someone to creep out of the shadows with a metal rod so they can beat me up. But no one appears. No silent footsteps brush past me. No ghostly fingers wrap their way around my greasy locks of hair. No one comes.

I let out a sigh of relief, right as I hear the woman scream again, "I don't care what they ask! Tell them you are doing the best you can! Lie! That is why I hired you! Now, just, go do what I asked!"

I lift my head up in expectation. They always come. They always come down those stairs after she tells them what to do. They walk down those stairs with their ski masks on and a metal pole in their hands. They don't say much but when they do speak, their voices are like ice running down my spine.

It sends shivers rolling across my shoulders and the stammer in my voice that I always try so hard to keep at bay, seems to make its way into my words. And the panic, the panic that is always there, waiting for the right moment to pounce, seizes me. And I can't stop it.

"You're going to enjoy this one princess," I hear the males icy voice smirk as he walks into the room.

But instead of letting the fear take over my body, this time it's shock. There is no ski mask this time. No metal rod. But instead of worrying about what the lack of the metal rod could mean, I am more entranced by the face of the man who had been beating me all this time.

I let out a small gasp as the memory falls away from me, leaving me with nothing but the gripping fear and the icy feeling winding its way down my spine.

Xander.

The detective that came to my room after they found me.

DUN DUN DUN!!!

DRAMA DRAMA LLAMA!

This chapter really gives you an insight into Mimi's mind and everything she is thinking. It also shows you a little bit of what she went through which is really good.

I'm thinking about doing an entire chapter on a scene from when Mimi was missing. What do you guys think? Good idea or not?

YAY! My maths test went really good today. I'm super happy with the answers I wrote so!!!

QOTC: What is your favourite colour and why?

Mine is aqua because it's like this perfect shade right between blue and green and it has like this calming feeling about it. When I look at it, it's like there is this vibe coming from the colour and it instantly makes me feel calmer. Sorry guys, as an author, I tend to ramble.

ILYSM!

SWAG ON!

~ TJ xoxoxoxo