When It Mattered ✔️

S I X

S I X
~*~*~*~
"Tis the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense, and to have her nonsense respected."
― Charles Lamb, The Life, Letters and Writings of Charles Lamb
~*~*~*~

"Alright," A blonde haired little bird came barrelling into my bed, sitting on my body over the covers. "Enough moping, mopey mopesters!" She started slapping me over the comforter as I moaned underneath her trying to push her off with little to no strength. "It's been a week, you sad little brat! What happened to that inspirational shit you supposedly spouted in your next column?" Her fingers dug into my side making me laugh despite my promise to never again smile. Well, at least until Monday.

"Okay, okay! I give up!" I conceded loudly, as she bent down and pecked my cheek.

"Good, now go get ready and come to breakfast with me... and for all of our sakes, shower." She wrinkled her button nose before skipping out of our room like she had just won a metal. That girl.

After a desperately needed wash, I quickly made my way down to our dorms kitchen finding all of my friends surrounded around a magazine I know oh so well. My stomach fluttered with butterflies as my face noticeably grew hot. The magazine with my column in it was finally out today. This was going to be harder than I thought.

"Wow, that was so brave of her." I heard someone say, making me want to fall down and die. If only they knew.

"She must be a brave little thing who takes the world by storm," Raven added, her grey eyes catching me with pure evilness in them. "Well, well, well, look what the broken hearted monster brought in." She said, calling me out as all attention turned to me.

"Awe, Gracie, I'm so glad you're ready to join the world of the living again." Myra gave me an encouraging bright smile. "You should read this column, it's like perfect for you right now."

Jeeeeeesssuuuuus.

"Yeah, Gracie, she's totally speaking to you! It's like she wrote this for you." Nicole grabbed my arm, dragging me to the table where the magazine lay open to my page.

If I didn't say I was proud right then, I would be lying my heart off. Seeing how glossy the page was. Seeing my words in that gloss. I was dazzled. My eyes swept the page taking every single beautiful detail in. My heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest. It was so white and pure and perfect. And people were finding solace in it --in my words.

"Whoa, she's tearing up," someone whispered as I sniffled with a growing smile on my face.

I was so happy.

Ravens arms enveloped me as I squeezed her back, "you wrote one heck of a letter." She whispered into my ear. "I'm proud of you, Gracie."

I nodded my head, unable to say anything as I broke a little bit down in her arms while she chuckled at me. I would have never had felt that proudness and joy if she hadn't had talked some sense into me. I owed it to her to keep going. It was okay to fall every once in awhile, the most important part was always getting back up. And I thought that maybe I could do that. That I could always stand on my two feet as long as Raven helped me through the really hard parts. And I think that's enough hope to replace what Ethan stole from me.

~*~*~*~

"You said it yourself," Raven said, picking at the left-over Chinese food from last night. "Sometimes you just have to let go. You've been holding onto him for so long... I think you need to find what you are without someone trying to complete you, right now."

I threw my pillow at her as she rolled on her belly while still going through our mini-fridge. "Maybe you should be the columnist." I chuckled, "I mean you do realize I only took the job because your badass girl-power speech influenced me... which I then quoted in my own column. So basically half or even more of those inspired people out there is all thanks to you."

She tipped her head up from laying on her tanned arms, "I like seeing you find what makes you happy, Gracie. Those were your words that inspired people. If you want to get technical, there was like maybe two sentences in the second last paragraph that I said to you." She rolled her grey eyes, kicking her feet up and down. "Besides, I have no interest in writing. I'm no good at thinking before speaking. You know that. I just say what comes to mind and sometimes it works and other times it doesn't." She gave me a close mouthed smile before throwing my pillow back at me.

"Well I hope you know, if I ever get found out or decide to make myself known... You'll be outed with me as my inspirational coach and muse." I promised somewhat maliciously but mostly out of gratitude.

"I'll kick your butt all the way to China, you brat." Raven chuckled, sticking her tongue out at me like a five year old child. She shut the fridge finally with a sigh, sitting up with a noisy stretch. "Can I ask you something?" The corners of her mouth turned down as she crawled into my bed with me.

"Well, yeah I think you're hot and everything but I don't-"

"No seriously, loser." Raven began pummelling me with a noogie on top of my head. Sometimes I didn't know if she was my older wiser sister or my mean older brother. She was whatever you got when you combined the two.

"Stopppppp," I tried to push her off but Raven was a lot stronger than she seemed, must have been all that cheerleading in high school...

Sha boo ya, sha sha sha boo ya roll-call! My name is Raven. I'll show you sass. You think I'm pretty? I'll kick your ass.

"Okay, but you have to be honest," she let me go, growing serious again.

I nodded, pulling my messy hair into a bun.

"Do you want to see Ethan?" She took hold of my hands with hers and intertwined her fingers with mine. Her grey eyes squinted, looking into my hazel eyes.

She was so weird. She was definitely trying to see into my brain like a telepath.

"You're not thinking about my question," she pointed out with a frown, squinting her eyes even more like it will help her wade through my crazy mind.

I sighed loudly. Did I want to see Ethan? Of course. But I also knew I shouldn't. It effected what I wanted.

"I don't know," I mumbled, looking down at my jittering crossed legs.

"What do you want, Gracie?" She continued to squint, coming closer and closer to me until her small nose was pressed against mine. "Think, you brat." Raven squeezed my hands.

'How could anyone think with someone's face pressed against theirs?' I thought while laughing. Her grey eyes were still all squinty except now I only saw one from how near she was. She was so close I could see the flecks of blue and green in her eye/s. She actually had some really cool colours in there even if it was blurry.

"You want to, don't you?" She exhaled, relaxing her eyes, "you're brain and heart are at war." Raven finally put some space between us.

"Wow, how did you guess?" I rolled my eyes. It definitely wasn't because I've been saying it for the past week or anything. Nope. She was definitely telepathic.

"Which one is stronger? The part of you wanting to see him, or the part of you wanting to stay clear?"

My heart thumped in response. Sometimes it was impossible to decipher between your head and heart wants. But other times...

"I want to see him." I confessed in a quiet voice, feeling my eyes water at the realization. "I want to see him, Raven." I squeaked out, feeling that crushed part of me that was left by him. It physically hurt how bad I wanted to see him.

"Then go see him, silly."