When It Mattered ✔️

T H I R T E E N

I don't know where this story is going... But it's addicting to write. They are such a whirlwind to write about. It's hard. As a writer I can feel everything my characters do and Gracie is just... She feels everything. I need to hear your opinion on it because just like Gracie, I'm lost in the overwhelming fluff of it all and I can't see the big picture. So please tell me if its getting boring or repetitive.
T H I R T E E N
~*~*~*~
"They were like lightning and rain, existing together but clashing at their very natures."
― T.S. Pettibone, Hatred Day
~*~*~*~

"Gracie!"

I heard behind me as I focused on nothing but the grass under my feet and the self-made path to... well, to nowhere. I was just running at this point. I just needed to get these...these possessive thoughts out of my head. I just had to run fast enough. They would disappear behind me if I did that. I was sure of it.

"Gracie stop," suddenly an arm wrapped around my middle, pulling me into a strong core. "Stop." He breathed into my ear, his chest moving up and down hard on my back.

I could fall down, give up, show him how weak I was. I could give into the demons clawing at my mind as they tried to take control over it --hurting him in the process. Or I could smile. I could pretend like I wasn't breaking down inside for him --that my heart wasn't holding on by a sheer wish for me to not give in and hurt him by his self-hatred for falling into me. A heart breaking wish at that. How ironic; the one thing holding my heart together was also breaking it so thoroughly I thought I might die. It seemed silly really.

"You're shaking," his whispering voice brushed against my ear and neck, holding me tighter with both arms as I slowly lost it. "What's wrong, Gracie?"

youyouyouyouyouyou! Everything about you is what's wrong with me, you idiot! Your eyes. Your touch. Your voice. Your mind. Your words. Your obliviousness. Your kindness. Your cluelessness. Your cruelness. Your pain. Your happiness. Your everything. It's all you.

I exhaled, forming a light breezy smile on my face, "You caught me. I thought I had you for a second." I quickly put distance between us --even I wasn't strong enough to stay together while he held me like that. "The cafeteria is just a little farther, come on." I quickly got onto the pathway leading us to the food court.

I should have been studying to be an actress. I was gold.

He sighed loudly, clearly confused by my actions, before jogging up to meet me. "You're acting strange, Gracie." His blue-as-consuming-waves eyes studied my profile as I struggled desperately inside to keep the facade up.

"How would you know?" I asked, not meaning to sound cruel as he flinched as if I had done it to hurt him.

His jaw clenched as he nodded, "right."

I wanted to smile encouragingly at him, but now even my straight face was getting heavier to carry. I was exhausted. The silence was better. Even if it was cold. It kept me from feeling his warmth.

"Gracie," he stopped me, his hand grabbing my arm. "I don't know your life now, you're right. But I know you. I will always know you." His eyes tried breaking through the barricade with all of their overwhelming strength, "You are not you right now." He finished, his eyes still searching for a crack in my almost flawless mask.

Couldn't he just get I was doing this for him? How cruel he was being by doing this? I hated him. My whole heart hated him in that second. I was sure he saw it too, that overpowering hate in my eyes. It's funny how you could hate someone and still try with every drop of strength in your body to protect them. It made no sense. It was completely and irrevocably without logic. But nothing seemed to be logical when it came to Ethan.