When It Mattered ✔️

F O U R T E E N

F O U R T E E N
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"If you don't receive love from the ones who are meant to love you, you will never stop looking for it."
― Robert Goolrick, The End of the World as We Know It: Scenes from a Life
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"Where did you go, Gracie?" Brodie whispered against my skin as he drew swirls and shapes on my back. His gentle lips left trails of soft kisses, beginning at my shoulder and ending at the nape of my neck.

"Somewhere I shouldn't have," I told him quietly, pulling the pillow closer to my chest.

Even as I laid there with Brodie, I couldn't keep my mind off of Ethan. I wondered if I'd see him again after this. Would he blow back into my life and end up finally killing me? Or was that it. The epic goodbye that turned out not-so-epic. Did he regret letting Brodie steal me away from him? Or was he secretly glad. Overjoyed even.

I turned over, trying to fall into the green eyes that watched me with that sparkle of only truths and no secrets. But his eyes weren't greengreengreen. They were just green. My heart didn't jump wildly in my chest and my body didn't tremble desperately for him to touch me. It was just this. A steady heart beat and a numb body that didn't care for the distance nor the closeness between us.

"You look sad," he mumbled, brushing my hair back behind my ears before touching his lips to my cheek, "I hate when you're sad. It hurts to watch." His voice was vulnerable and beautiful, laying his heart out on the line for me to see. He wasn't even scared to do it. He just did it without thinking.

I shook my head, "Just tired." I lied, bringing myself closer to him as I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed his full lips. Perfect lips even. But I didn't want perfect lips.

"Spend all day in bed with me and then stay the night," he purred, hooking my leg over his hip as we laid together on our sides under the single bed sheet left.

I closed my eyes, resting my head against his chest, listening to his strong heart beating... and pretending it wasn't his. My fingers blindly traced my name over and over on his chest, wanting it to seep into his skin and tattoo his heart.

"You're so goddamn beautiful, Gracie." He said, running his fingers down my side and up again.

"You're too sweet to me, Brodie." I nuzzled into his neck, breathing him in as I tried hard to exhale Ethan.

My phones ringtone went off suddenly, dragging me out of bed and pushing out of Brodie's warm arms as he groaned annoyedly.

"Hello?" I answered with a giggle as Brodie forced me back down onto the bed, pinning me down as he kissed my neck heatedly.

"Is this, Ms Allen?" The voice on the other side of the phone call asked unsurely.

"Yes! Yes, that's me." I found my heart beating hard in my chest as I untangled myself from Brodie, grabbing his button down shirt and my underwear as I tossed them on my body.

"This is Lucy Anderson calling from Break Magazine headquarters."

Holy crap. It was happening. Grabbing my shoes and the clothes I could find in that blurry second, I left Brodie giving me a funny look as I closed his door behind me. I had to find Raven before I messed it all up with my gibberish.

"We have been reading your work on our smaller branches magazine, and we think you would be a great addition to our main source." She told my adrenaline rushing body as I ran down to my dorm building ignoring the weird looks I was receiving, "I have already talked to your publishing agent and I had asked if it would be alright for me to call to personally congratulate you."

"Holy crap," I gasped uncontrollably, "Sorry! You have no idea how happy that makes me. Thank you so much. I promise you won't regret it."

She laughed, "I know I won't. But we would like to keep you at your currant position in the company too. Your readers love how you could be anyone right under their nose. You have quite an identity bounty on your head, Ms Allen."

I finally reached my building as I pushed it open with my hip after flashing my building keycard at the scanner.

"My identity is safe though, right?" I asked, trying not to sound out of breath.

"Well, we are still discussing that. Which was another reason I wanted to call you personally. If you take this position, your name will be in our hands. We want to own your name, Ms Allen."

I stopped breathing, that wasn't what they said before. "What does that mean?" I asked slowly, walking up the stairs to my floor.

"That we'll be able to drop it whenever we feel would benefit our sales. Right now, your anonymity is raising our sales as people try to find you in any clues you could have left in your columns. But eventually that interest will start to fade, and that's when we would release your identity. It would raise sales once again. The mysterious hometown writer finally unveiled."

I didn't like that. Not at all. "I would have no control at all?" I opened the door, finding Raven reading the same magazine coincidentally.

"We would take your feelings into consideration."

How cold. "What if I wanted to reveal myself?" I frowned, falling into my bed, the excitement but a long lost dream. I was starting to feel sick.

"You would be given a contract with the rules. If you broke any of the rules you would be faced with the consequences. But again, you would be able to contact us at any time of the day. As long as we agree to it, you may do whatever you please with your name."

As long as we agree to it. They might as well have said; of course you can rule the world --as long as the people agree to it. Of course you can turn into a horse --as long as logic agrees to it. Of course you can fly without a flying device --as long as science agrees to it. In other words, I had no control over my own name.

My eyes closed. It was a huge opportunity. And it was just a name after all.

"If you need a few days to think about it, just tell your agent to call us. We will have to start writing the contract up immediately. I'll be looking foreword to hearing back from you. Goodbye, Ms Allen." And with that she hung up.

Raven eyed me as she sized me up, "did you just run across campus in nothing but a boys shirt?"