When It Mattered ✔️

T W E L V E

T W E L V E
~*~*~*~
"Put your lips close to mine, as long as they don't touch.
Out of focus, eye to eye, till the gravity's too much.
And I'll do anything you say, if you say it with your hands.
And I'd be smart to walk away, but you're quicksand.
This slope is treacherous. This path is reckless. This slope is treacherous."

"This hope is treacherous. This daydream is dangerous."
— Taylor Swift, Treacherous <3
~*~*~*~

"This is embarrassing," Ethan scratched the back of his neck, his mouth set in a tight line as he grimaced, not remembering where he parked that damn truck.

I couldn't help but to laugh, he looked adorable with his face all scrunched up like that. And clueless. He looked so adorably clueless --like a puppy.

His cheeks covered in pink as he grew aware of my eyes on him. "This isn't funny." He muttered, dropping his arm agitatedly.

I giggled, trying to cover it up with my hands uselessly. He looked at me, the irritated spark in those beautiful blues disappearing in less than a nanosecond as they captured mine.

"Jesus," he hissed the blasphemy while his lips turned up into a frustrated smile. "I can't even be annoyed at you when you look like that. You're too damn cute."

I turned away from him, feeling my cheeks burn with redness. And I can't pretend I don't feel anything between us when you say stuff like that. One second he wanted nothing to do with me, the next... Ugh! How was I supposed to make him feel better when he just kept changing his mind? I was getting whiplash and my heart was still aching with every beat.

"Maybe we- I mean you- should try calling Carter again." I turned back around, a forced smile on my face. "You were pretty drunk last night. I doubt you drove here by yourself. God, I hope you didn't." I frowned suddenly as the thought occurred to me. What if he had hurt himself trying to get to me last night? He was an idiot. A bloody stupid idiot. "You didn't, did you?" I growled lowly, the thought blackening my soul as I glared at him.

"Whoa." He held up his hands, backing away, his face showing an expression of shock and terror, "please go back to being cute. You look like you want to kill me."

"You're so stupid -that's the last thing I want!" I bit out, spinning around from him. One more second of his guilty looking expression and I would, however, have liked to cause him some pain. On his face. With my fist. If he was really driving that stupidly intoxicated... He could have kil-

I couldn't even think the word without feeling like I was going to vomit or die myself.

"Gracie?" His soft voice was full of worry and caution.

I shook my head. The rage was literally boiling under my skin. "You could have..." I trailed off with dead silence. "Don't do that."

I felt his hand on my shoulder, squeezing it gently. "I won't." His voice said quietly.

"Promise."

He sighed, "I promise I won't."

I turned around, my fear ridden eyes catching him off guard, "Promise you won't what?" I wasn't playing around. This boy could not die. I didn't care what happened to me as long as he was okay and making the world a better place just by being in it. I only cared that he stayed alive old enough to be all old and have a beautiful family and be consumedly loved and wrinkly and grey and have no regrets. Not young and handsome and drunk and not yet have truly lived. Nothing else mattered in the world right then and there.

He looked down to my tiny height, his hands on either side of my head as his thumbs gently ran across my angrily blushing cheeks. "I promise to you Gracie Clarissa Allen-" his water and sky blue eyes held mine so intensely I couldn't even dare to draw a breath as I looked up at him, completely transfixed, "-I will never drive intoxicated. No matter if there's a girl across town that I feel I need to see." He breathed, his voice going from normal volume to a barely audible whisper.

My heart was beating so hard it was burning. I just wanted to lean up on my tip-toes and close the distance. All I could see was blue and how deep it made me fall from grace. Everything in me wanted to sin with him until it hurt.

But I couldn't cause him so much pain. I couldn't see that... that self-hatred in his eyes again. I wouldn't. Not because of me... Because he had feelings for me.

"You better." I forced myself to say with another fake smile, breaking the thick silence laced with tension. My hands took his and pulled them gently off my face -immediately missing the warm touch across my cheeks. "Why don't we go to the cafeteria and get some food?"

His eyebrows were furrowed in hurt and confusion by the time I walked passed him, towards the outdoor cafeteria Raven was probably at now. She would help. I just needed to clear my head. He was making lines blur and I couldn't decipher between love (or like in this particular case) and lust. Nothing made sense. My body made no sense. My brain made no sense. My heart made even less sense. It was all just a mess of I just want to kiss him and I want to be in bed with him all day and all night and I shouldn't touch him and I should make him happy and I should hurt him back but I want him to smile too. I was so confused.

"H-hey, wait up!" He called out when I didn't turn around to see if he was there.

"No." I called out, letting a smile curve my face as I looked at him. "You catch up." And with that I was running.

Truth be told, I was running from myself. Not him. The confusion and conflict was slowly trying to devour me and consume me and eat me. Three different words all with the same ultimate meaning; that I would be no more. I would become nothing but a shell doing the biddings of the devil called lust or maybe love inside of me. I would give in. I would hurt him.

So I ran instead.