Q: What does a nosey pepper do? A: Gets jalapeno business!
Q: What do you call a fake noodle? A: An Impasta
Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest? A: An Investigator
Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? A: Every morning you'll rise and shine!
Q: "What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?" A: "You can't tuna fish."
Q: Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? A: The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
Q: What do you get from a pampered cow? A: Spoiled milk.
Q: What do lawyers wear to court? A: Lawsuits!
Q: What gets wetter the more it dries? A: A towel.
Q: What did Bacon say to Tomato? A: Lettuce get together!
Q: How do you make a tissue dance? A: Put a little boogey in it!
Q: Why did the picture go to jail? A: Because it was framed.
Q: What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? A: Swimming trunks.
Q: Where do bees go to the bathroom? A: At the BP station!
Q: Who earns a living driving their customers away? A: A taxi driver.
Q: "How do you shoot a killer bee?" A: "With a bee bee gun."
Q: How do you drown a Hipster? A: In the mainstream.
Q: How do you make holy water? A: Boil the hell out of it!
Q: What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? A: It barked with de-light!
Q: What stays in the corner and travels all over the world? A: A stamp.
Q: Why did the computer go to the doctor? A: Because it had a virus!
Q: Why are frogs so happy? A: They eat whatever bugs them
Q. What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? A. Milk and quackers!
Q: What did the leopard say after eating his owner? A: Man, that hit the "spot."
Q: What do you call a sleeping bull? A: A bulldozer!
Q: Why did the banana go to the Doctor? A: Because it was not peeling well
Q: Why is England the wettest country? A: Because the queen has reigned there for years!
Q: Why do fish live in salt water? A: Because pepper makes them sneeze!
Q: Why did the man put his money in the freezer? A: He wanted cold hard cash!
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? A: Frostbite.
Q: What is the best day to go to the beach? A: Sunday, of course!
Q: What bow can't be tied? A: A rainbow!
Q: What season is it when you are on a trampoline? A: Spring time.
Q: Where did the computer go to dance? A: To a disc-o.
Q: What has one head, one foot and four legs? A: A Bed
Q: What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? A: The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew".
Q: Why did the birdie go to the hospital? A: To get a tweetment.
Q: What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa? A: A Clausterphobic
