That's My Sister ➼ tas

Chapter 30

I wanted to start by saying hello. So, hello. As anyone reading this will most likely know: my name is Caitlyn Swift. I am 16 years old, an American living in the UK and the little sister of Taylor Swift.

That last part, that's the main reason I am writing this - the main reason why my life is the way it is today.

Life has always been normal for me. I was brought up in a healthy, happy home - I had my family, my education, my friends. I had the opportunities to pursue hobbies when I was younger, and give them up when I felt they were no longer for me. And, though many were surprised by these next few words, I did not know I had a world-famous celebrity for an older sibling.

When my family and I moved across the Atlantic to the south coast of England, we (my brother and I) were still unaware of this fact. We started a new school, we each made some new friends, and life went about as normal. I had a really good group of friends. They welcomed me in like we had known each other for years (and only made fun of my accent every other day), and only now do I realise I didn't show them how grateful I was for it.

Yes, some of my past year can be seen as teenage living. You might be thinking, "Cait, we don't care anymore about your parties or dinners or weekend trips." And I agree. I went so long thinking that the attention on me was deserved, that people were envious of what I did, where I went, how good my photos looked online. But I let my guard down the moment the smallest inch of attention came my way. And if I feel anything from that, it's embarrassed.  I gave in to people that use others, that thought themselves above the rest - that at the end of the day, only cared about themselves and what you had to offer to make their lives better. And slowly, I became one of them.

I vowed never to let it take over my life, but I failed that. I was stupid. I let the attention blind me. Though I know many will not believe me, but I truly am not the person I became. I care for my family and friends, I care for helping everyone feel included and I know a person's actions always come with consequences. But over time that faded away and I only cared about one thing: myself. I was so wrapped up in myself that I didn't notice how my own actions could negatively affect others in my life.

I blew off a friend's birthday hangout for another party that could get me more likes online or another story to focus the attention on me the next day at school. I blew off a once in a lifetime opportunity to join my sister and help with her creative process, because I assumed I would have access to it for the rest of my life. I ignored countless warnings that I was changing myself, that I was becoming the opposite of who I was to begin with.

Whilst I do wish I could claim that I gave myself the wake up call to find myself again, I cannot. It was the moment those people who used the high status side of me, who I somehow idolised, decided they just didn't want me anymore. It was when my loving, patient sister advised me to not forget who I was before her celebrity infiltrated how I would move forward in life. It was when I deservedly did not have my initial friends accept me back with open arms.

And yes, I would take it all back in a heartbeat. But I can't, yet that's what learning and growing is here for.

So if you are reading this, I thank you for listening to my privileged rambling.

If I have personally hurt you throughout all of this I apologise, and I hope you can one day forgive me.

My life feels as though it has come full circle and I am ready to move forward with nothing but a positive, empathetic outlook.

- Cait x