Whaddup my sons of bitches?!
BeluHacemosLoquepode says, 'Hey Helen! I want to know the top ten craziest nights you've ever had. Also I love you (and your body).
First off, I know everyone loves my beautiful tits. As my sexy friend Syria once told me, 'if there's anything I know about you it's how big your boobs are....What they're squishy?'
And secondly, I'm going just do my ultimate crazy night here, but I'll put a top ten list in 'The Nonexistent Life of Helena Anax'.
Okay so I've had a lot of crazy nights, but there's always been one that sticks out the most. I remember a few years ago I was visiting America, and he was planning something for some sort of circus. Unfortunately one of the Russian acrobats quit on him last minute, and he was really upset. Since I couldn't take anymore of his crying, I told him that I would fill in the job of the acrobat. Considering gymnastics was apart of Spartan training, I assumed that it wouldn't be that difficult. Alfred was thrilled and told me where everyone was practicing. So the next day I showed up for practice and I saw people jumping through hoops of fire, clowns fitting into a tiny car, animals doing silly tricks, magicians being chained/drowned, women swallowing swords, acrobats folding into complex positions and everyone was wearing in strange costumes. My first assumption was that this was some sort of orgy, so I took off all of my clothes. Next thing I new I was having hardcore sex with all of the circus freaks. The lion gamers were wiping me, the sword swallowers were shoving knifes into my vagina, the clowns kept eating food off of my ass, the animals were licking me all over, and a fuck ton more happened that night.
The sex got so insane to the point where I had to be hospitalized the next day. When the doctors were examining me, they found three clowns, two goats, seven swords, a bottle of catchup, and the ringleader all stuck in my vagina. I don't know how the hell they managed to stay in there, but they did and it was totally worth the vaginal surgery.
-the hoe who banged an entire circus
PS: the picture above is from the night of the circus. It was one of the many acts that I had to complete. This one was pretty self explanatory. I was blindfolded, in a weird ass position, and I had to shoot an apple off of the ringleader's lead with my feet. Needless to say it worked, but the first time I tried it I shot him in the dick.
