A different kind of Love<3

Chapter 24

Lucas:

Today was the first time I have spoken to Mel in weeks, honestly its the first time I have spoken to any one in weeks. Ever since the blow out with Kyle, Mel leaving me, and my mom coming home to drunk to even stand I have lost everything. Kyle sees me in the hallway and just shakes his head as if he is shamming me in ways to complex for me to understand. Kyle was always the smarter one and he knows that. My mother has gone into once again another depression and wont even speak to me. I try to talk too her,  but her mind is overtaken by alcohol. She looks my way as if she is trying to comprehend what I'm saying but yet it leaves to quickly. My grades are sinking, I sit alone at lunch, my thoughts are becoming to much to handle, I don't feel like I fit anywhere in society.

Although Mel has been the worst out of all... We make eye contact and she looks away as soon as she can. Every time I look into her eyes I wish I could understand what she feels. I want her back, I need her back. My life is horrible with out her in it. I never noticed before I met her how crappy my life had been. Then she came in and I took advantage of how beautiful and amazing she is. She made my life wonderful and I just brushed over it as if it was nothing. Now she is gone and I cant even breathe without feeling guilt, pain, torture, and worst of all feeling like an idiot. My pride has gone so far down cause of all these things. I used to feel like I could do anything and everyone would love me, now I know that is not the case. People love you for the way you love them, all I ever did was scare people into thinking they had to love me.

Today during school I bumped into Mel, not even just a little full on. We both fell to the floor and our stuff flying every where. I didn't know what to say or to do. I quietly picked my things up just like I would have if it was any other student, but of course Mel had to say something. Simple enough all she had said was sorry. I answered calmly as if it was no big deal, acting as if she was just another girl in my school. She took it further and further. Apologizing for not only my papers but everything. I couldn't help but to lash out. I let all my hurt feelings out into the open. Yet I still managed to hold back the tears and seems like I was fine. The truth is I'm not fine, I don't think I will ever be fine.

Now I lay on my bed thinking to myself how I just want to end everything, right here right now. it will be easy... My mom would be to drunk to notice and if she gets sober enough she will see me then "calm the pain" with more wine. No one at school would care, half of them wouldn't even notice. I know for a fact Mel and Kyle wouldn't and they are the only ones I would truly want to. So you know why not, just give up. I'm sick of everything! I'm sick of this pain! I want to be loved and I'm not going to get that here, on earth. Might as well just leave. I'm a failure! I cant even make it through life! I should just go! Tears are attacking my face. I cant close my eyes because of this watery barrier. My life is just rolling down a hill might as well run into something and just end it. I need to die! That's how I can fix all of this... everyone will feel so much better if I'm out of the way. They all pushed me out for a reason this must be why...

I walk down stairs peeking into the living room seeing my mom passed out like usual. I slip into the kitchen and go to the medicine cabinet. I'm not sure what will work so I grab all that I can. I go back up the stairs - I'm sobbing now. I cant keep my emotions in anymore. Everything is just flooding out of me. I look at the medicine and take a deep breathe. I blow out my voice shaking. I'm scared I don't know what I should do... I cant stay here, I cant stay in this world filled with hate and pain. I want to stop suffering, I want to be done. I grab a bottle of pills, trying to open the lid I'm so worked up I cant. My heart is pounding, my eyes are gushing out watery tears, I cant even calm down enough to do anything. I'm standing next to my bed when my legs give out. I now lay on the floor searching for what to do at this moment. I want to end everything but something Is holding me back. I calm down my nerves enough to grab the bottle and open. As I look down into the bottle I know its either life or death. Tears once again well up inside of me and come bursting out. The bottle becomes filled with water, my tears, the pills are so soaked and use less now. I look to the next bottle.

Nervous and terrified I call out to one who Mel said she loved. I call out to one that Kyle lived his daily life for. I call out to one who I don't know or understand. I call out to God. "god why am I here" "Why was I placed in this life" "God I cant do this"... sobbing and sobbing "God Tell me what is the right thing! Is my purpose on earth over. I grew up hearing about this big purpose you have for me! I think you forgot about mine God! How could you be putting me in this kind of pain if I'm supposed to be part of some big plan!?"Holding onto what is left in the bottle, I try to calm down. I cant though. I just keep crying and crying...I lay there on my floor once again in a puddle of my sorrow and regret. I cant survive like this any longer. On that note I grab the pills, they are almost to my mouth when *DING* *DING*

I'm shocked... I was not expecting anything at this moment. To confused to think otherwise I grab my phone, wipe my eyes and look to see who texted me. Mary?

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 Hope everyone is enjoying, sad chapter...