FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS ON WATTPAD - RANT!

Fucking fangirls

dedicated to ebr6991 for suggesting the 'fast paced' point near the end of this chapter :)

Spam. You know that one annoying person that advertises shit like "oh my god go on this new website (that is not wattpad) to read stories" or "er me gerd check out this x-rated story website!" 

Like bitch swerve. Ain't nobody wanna go on some other website. If people wanted to read nasty shit, they'd click on the damn R-rated stories.

Falling in love with an old man. I've touched on this before when talking about teachers e.t.c, but this is in general terms. What attracts you to a thirty five year old man, when you are only 15 yourself? What part of pedophilia appeals to you? Is it the fact that he can go to jail that turns you on, or is it the fact that it can be deemed as statutory rape that gives you the hots? Honestly, I understand thinking older men are attractive, ON OCCASSION *ahem* tony stark *ahem* but to go out with the sole purpose of getting with an older guy, is creepy. Like why would you want a wrinkly penis?

The 'brother's best friend'. That shit be awkward in real life. How about we make a deal? I'll stop talking like a ghetto hoochy mama if you stop writing about falling in love with your brother's best friend.

Why are they only suddenly realising that they like the brother's best friend, even though they've been around for ages? Also, the brother's best friend is meant to treat you like a little sister, not screw you while the brother isn't looking. It's borderline incest, man. Finally, does it turn you on to know that you're not only wrecking your brother's most valued friendship, but you are also basically volunteering your brother's best friend for the next round of the hunger games, because trust me... when your brother finds out his best friend is banging you... his best friend won't be around long enough to say 'I love you'. Any brother will immiediately go ape shit when they find out what their most trusted friend is doing to you. You know why? Because many of the conversations your brother and his best friend have, revolve around how hard they'd bang a girl; and when the brother finds out his best friend is doing his little sister... the first thing that will come to mind is every nasty little thing he and his best friend fantasized about doing to another woman. It's like hearing that about your own daughter.

The dad's best friend.  Just fucking stop. You know what I am so done with these authors right now. HE'S OLD ENOUGH TO BE THE PROTAGONIST'S FUCKING DAD. *no pun intended ;)*

Tattoos and piercings. I understand some people prefer a guy that is covered in tattoos and piercings, but seriously, why do a quarter of the stories on wattpad revolve around that? I don't have Tumblr (because the shit on there scares me) but my friend does and she told me that there's a whole section of Tumblr dedicated to 'punk one direction' where people have photoshopped tattoos and piercings onto the guys.

Like actually took time... to photoshop... tat- I'm so done with this shit.

Seriously, how many guys do you know in real life that look like a walking, talking, colouring book?

Fangirls. Oh yeah I'm attacking the fangirls now. Let me just write my own, personal dictionary definitions, before we proceed:

Fan: Someone who appreciates and/or idolizes a celebrity and/or regular person. 

Fangirl: Someone who spends every second of every day obsessing over a certain celebrity and daydreams consistently about marrying said celebrity. Fangirls stalk, gossip, tweet, Tumble...? Is that what going on Tumblr is called? Anyway... they do a lot of bat shit crazy things to find out every single aspect of the stated celebrity. Their lives revolve around the celebrity and they literally believe  that they will someday meet and get married (hence the fanfiction plots) and they would most likely hyperventilate and/or faint if they saw said celebrity. They also talk about the celebrity non-stop and won't leave other people alone, constantly trying to engage others in conversations about the celebrity even though nobody fucking cares.