FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS ON WATTPAD - RANT!

Idiotic protagonists

I know it's been a while! Remember to leave your suggestions for the next chapter in the comments below :) I posted this cause we hit 1,000 reads :) I'll post another when we reach 2,000 reads (so it'll give me time to write another chapter)

Fruity character names: I literally saw a story where the main character was called Apple. What are your friend's name? Banana? Pineapple? Fucking Passionfruit? Might as well name your mum Guava and your child Fruitloops. Why not? jfc. 

Iditioc protagonists: When fanfiction writers say the main character has NO CLUE AT ALL of who the celebrity is. even if they are worldwide known for some reason the main character has never heard or seen them. but then decide to crawl out from whatever rock they were under and fall in love with them

Trying to use first person POV: Now, we as a community on wattpad, are mostly women. So when some of us try to write in 1st person POV for men, it doesn't exactly work it. It usually goes one of two ways:

Either the guy is incredibly horny and all he ever does is think about sex. Guys think about other things, trust me, I live with an annoying brother, I know what men are like. They don't just sit there revolving 'sex' around their mind 24/7. 

Or, the guy is way too feminine. Guys don't say 'like' after every sentence and they do NOT look at the pretty flowers. Here's an example:

Bob's POV: I glanced at the chrysanthemums which were a beautiful fuschia colour, before looking back in my reflection. My honey blonde hair combed over my jade green eyes. "Sweet pie cupcake applebottom baby?" I called to my lover.

"Yeah?" she responded.

"Would you like me to take you shopping and then wait while you get your nails done and then watch titanic with you whilst eating our feelings via ice cream and popcorn?" I chirped. 

"Uh huh" she replied. Oh my beautiful, stunning,vivascious, impeccable girlfriend was surely all that I would need in my life. 

I glanced at my dirty nails before deciding to join my babyboo in the nail salon.

Let me tell you what was wrong with that paragraph:

Men don't know what chrysanthemums are. All flowers are just 'flowers' to them. The occasional, intelligent man can sometimes recognise a rose. That's about it.

They don't understand colour differences. Men don't refer to fuschia as fuschia, they refer to it as pink. Baby pink, hot pink, fuschia, carnation pink, magenta and all the other friekin shades of pink are just PINK to them. Honey blonde is just blonde to them, jade green is just green to them. Actually, when men look in the reflection, they don't even notice their hair colour because they're used to it and don't actually care. It's not like they dye their hair different colours everyday like women do (some men do, but the majority don't)

He's not gonna call you sweetie pie cupcake applebottom baby. You'll be lucky if he doesn't just refer to you as 'woman' or 'bitch'. 

He's not gonna go shopping with you, he's not gonna wait for your nails to dry and he's not gonna wanna watch a sappy movie with you and eat his feelings. HE'S NOT A WOMAN.

Oh, and I have NEVER heard a man say that he realized his nails were dirty.

comprende?

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ATTENTION: I'M LOOKING FOR IDEAS FOR A ONGOING STORY (where I write and post a new chapter every day, instead of pre-writing the story). IF YOU HAVE IDEAS, PLEASE MESSAGE ME OR COMMENT THEM IN ONE OF MY BOOKS. I don't need a whole plot, just a general idea or even a genre, would be much appreciated. PRIZES: Anyone who suggests an idea for a story has the chance to get their story to come to life by me writing it for you :) I will dedicate a chapter to you and follow you for your suggestion, if I chooes it. So let me know what you think I should write about!