FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS ON WATTPAD - RANT!

The rant continuum - Dirty Habits

Hello, cretin

I really should work on my introductions, shouldn't I? Then again, it's 6am (still haven't slept) here and I just got a really long comment from Ariana and I was so excited by all the things she suggested for this chapter, that I felt like I had to write another one right away. Yes, I'm marginally tired. Yes, my butt, back and boobs hurt from sitting on this computer chair all day. Oh well, first world problems, right?

This chapter is dedicated to 'ArianaElyse' because she suggested some of the things in this chapter. If you'd like a dedication, leave suggestions of things you'd like me to rant about in the comments. 

Overly obvious summaries.There was once a story where the prologue was like "Basically yeah, this girl meets this guy and then they fall in love, yeah? But then he has sex with her best friend, right? So she breaks up with him and fights her best friend, but then they end up together again. Her and her boyfriend, I mean. Not her and her best friend. NO HOMO lol jk ok byee". Like really, what's the point in even writing the book if you're going to write all of that in the summary?! Why would you give away the most crucial plot twist in the friekin summary?!

Irrelavant author's notes. Literally, they'll say something like "So thanks for reading and I just really wanted to talk to you guys, so this morning I had salad, right? But it was like stale so I thought i'd microwave it, but then the microwave didn't microwave it properly; so while I was throwing the salad away, it just got me thinking like what is a microwave? Like I know that it micro...waves things. But then how do you wave things? And does it just make it smaller, you know cause it's micro? Like does micro wave mean literally small wave? But then how does it cook things, right? Is it like you're waving but the heat from your wave cooks the food and you're just doing really small waves so it becomes microwaves? But then... where are the people doing the small waves? Are they inside the microwave? Because I put my head in there the other day and I couldn't find any of them."

Yeah, maybe you write author's notes like that because you put your head in the microwave.

Constant POV switches. I literally read a chapter a few days ago where the POV switched every few paragraphs. It was like "Romeo's POV: I saw Juliet come down the stairs wearing her underwear and I got a boner. Juliet's POV: I came downstairs and saw Romeo get a boner. Romeo's POV: I said hi. Juliet's POV: He said hi. Romeo's pov: I liked her underwear. It gave me a boner. That's why I had one. Not because I randomly walked around with boners. I mean I do sometimes, but not right now. Juliet's POV: Romeo looked confused as he stared at his boner. I smiled. I loved his boner"

Like shut the fuck up, this isn't some sort of friekin 3D movie, we don't need 35 different angles or perspectives of the same damn scene. We get it. Juliet's a slut that wears underwear when she's out and about; and Romeo gets casual boners. Jesus, you don't need to go into that much irrelavant detail!

Clean sluts. Sluts are called dirty for a reason. Why don't they get STD's, even though they sleep with apparently everyone in school? Why are there no un-planned pregnancies, unless they're the main character's ingenious plotline? I mean kidnapping is oh so common in these stories, but when it comes to STD's - that's taboo.

Particular kidnaps. Why is it the main character that always gets kidnapped? If there's some sick fuck out there picking up little children, you'd think it was more than one kidnap. Why are more children not kidnapped? Or maybe they are but the author doesn't care, because apparently it's only important when it's happening to the main character. Or maybe the other children aren't mentally disturbed and therefore do not fall in love with the kidnapper; so the author doesn't share their story, because it'll throw to light how ridiculous their protagonist's plotline is.