I am yours. {#Wattys2016}

36.

It was in my dream where I discovered how my mind really worked. Where I truly realised that my mind wasn't in the greatest place. Where I realised that the past was still deep and profound in my mind.

In my dream, I was back in my childhood room in Texas. The area wasn't the brightest and it felt quite eerie. I could see a younger version of myself, maybe 17, sat huddled in a corner.

I couldn't see my younger self's face because it was in his knees. I looked around to see all the posters I put up. They're probably are still there to this day, but I haven't been back to see if they're. All those posters of all the celebrities I had a crush on.

I walked closer to him and I could hear sniffling. Walking closer, I could see that damage had been done to him. There were patches of red on his arms. Bruises were scattered on him too. He looked so hurt. So fragile.

I reached over to touch him. "Please, don't hurt me" He whispered, I pulled back instantly. Did he know I was in the room?

"You know I'm here?" I asked a little nervous.

"I don't know who you are but please don't hurt me, sir" He sniffed.

"I won't hurt you. Look up at me, please?" I asked in a softened tone. His head lifted slowly and his eyes were bloodshot and full of tears. He had dark circles under his eyes, probably due to the sleepless nights I had when I was younger. He just looked so tired and I wanted to hug him so much but I didn't want to install fear in him. "See, I won't hurt you"

"W-Who are you?" He asked me as he tried to steady his breathing.

"I'm...I'm you" I answered. "I'm 26 year old you" His eyes widened in utter disbelief.

"Y-You don't look like me" He spoke softly. I laughed a little.

"Puberty does a lot" I joked a little trying to lighten the mood. He giggled a little but then went back to crying. "W-Why are you crying?" I asked.

"You're me. You should know why" He answered. I was still confused and I guess he could read my emotion as it was clearly portrayed on my face. "Look at the calendar". I walked over to take a look at the calendar placed on the wall.

April 17th. My birthday. My 17th Birthday.

"They did it again" He spoke. "They hurt me and hurt me and now here I am. On my own birthday. Alone" I remembered this moment. It wasn't a figment of my imagination. This actually happened. On my 17th birthday, I was hit hard by all the bullies in my school. They knew it was my birthday and instead of not even coming near me, they made my life even more hellish. "Please tell me, does it get better?" He asked through sniffles.

"Does what get better?" I asked confused.

"My life. Does it get better?" He clarified. Could I truthfully answer that question? I mean it only just started to get better.

"Avriel." I addressed him. "I can't answer that question-"

"I need to know. I can't live like this anymore. Just say what ever you can say. I just...I just need to know" He cut me off. I opened my mouth and closed it again. "Please" He pleaded.

"I don't know. I don't want to raise your hopes. Yes, I guess" I answered and a small smile came upon his face.

"Thank God" He sighed in relief, but his tears didn't stop.

"Why are you still crying?" I asked.

"Because I'm so alone" He cried out. My heart couldn't help but drop at his sadness. I walked towards him and hugged him.

The dream was so vivid and I felt like I was actually there, in Texas comforting myself. I felt like I was responsible for my younger self. And I was. I was an independent teenager. It's not like I had a choice. I was just a young boy who had to support himself through any means. But nurturing was a thing I couldn't do for myself. It had to come from someone else. I needed to be in the company of someone. Too bad it didn't.

I needed to know that I wasn't going to be alone anymore. I needed to know that Scott wasn't going to leave.

I needed to know.