complacent

sometimes

sometimes i just think about driving off
into the middle of fucking no where
and popping on the freeway
and sometimes
I wonder if it's worth it to just
keep going when I want to end it all.
I go through periods when I'm happy but it
all hits me like a fuck ton of bricks.
I wonder. Is it all true?
do they all just wanna hear how I
get broken, and write it all down in fucking poetry.
and everyone says they are scared
that I do this to myself, but why should I even care about it?
why should I even care.
I've been isolating myself, and it's not bad.
I'm happiest when I'm alone or with a lover
but no lover stays, right?
it won't ever happen to me. I'm never the one to
break off anything. everyone does it for me.
I found God,
I found him in a lover,
when his hair falls in his face
his hands are so cold they shake
I found the devil
in a lover
and his educated eyes
and head between my thighs.
he's gone off to pay his crimes and has no time for mine.
I don't believe in this god anymore
the only thing abstract about me
is my transient feelings.
sure they manifest themselves
in my body and lips.
my hands around you
and for some reason
I cannot seem
to let go
but all I do is drive

(the bolded part is from a song called coming down by Halsey)