complacent

how do I say

how do I say how I felt when I knew you'd be there

how do I say when I saw your car and my heart dropped. and

i knew she was there, you might fall for a spark other than me.

how do I say what felt when I saw you? it wasn't all anxiety. it was deep longing too. 

I had an ocean swollen inside of me, and it was ready to crash out

of my mouth

and speak to you. but just let the roller skate wheels go fast and

you

saw me

and I

don't know

how pretty I am, or tortured, but regardless, something

clicked

again

and when you left it broke. so when you came back

and said

we need

to talk

and when you knew that I was not okay, my eyes were red

and it wasn't from drugs, because I would never do them after the promises you and I made

and even though I thought about drinking heavily, 

what would the breath of a liquor do to my teenage body?

I'd be even more dead than alive.

I knew you were not okay either. I knew you

would never leave me without reason, and I never did get the reason

maybe it was neon

pink glowing (my pants are too big for these legs that I'm building)

why don't you dress like that for me? (I'm kidding.)

and it's 

so

beautiful

you said to me

"there is a fire in your eyes."

I was breathless and burning up over this week, I kept fighting the flames of anger

and frustration because you

oh, you.

you're...unforgettable... 

the way you move, the way you just, walk. your arms, 

strong, and I like to rest my head on them, muscles tensing and flexing.

"There's hope in your eyes...please... let me look into your eyes."

and you

do.