complacent

i miss you

Oh my life, how I long for it to be like it was. I miss you. I don't want to hide it, but I don't talk about it with anyone anymore. I know you are scared to hurt me, but every way you look, you turn, you hurt me and you don't mean to. I don't like that but no love is without fault or pain and I only wish that I could be in your arms.
but that's not that way. It can't be. you've no time, and I've no resolve. I should stop trying to talk to you all the time but everything in my body pulls to you and my tears pull to the ground and I ache for you. I know you ache for me, you just drown it out. Or pretend. you tell me we don't matter and it might be true, we don't, but, I just want to be with you.
And isn't it sad how we both are broken?
we could both be whole if this was a different planet but it's not. we are bound to the surface by gravity and this cruel God who lets us suffer because it is to build us. but it breaks some in the process and leaves us as nothing more than collateral damage.
Oh my love, i miss you. i don't want to speak of myself in the uppercase because I don't fucking matter. but even after the pain of being away from you, and having to not be your lover even now, I'd take a bullet for you and I know you'd do the same for me, even if you don't love me.
oh my love, it does pain me to not hear your voice everynight on the phone. it hurts me to not see your eyes across from mine in the Starbucks or in Fog and Flame though the steam of my coffee.
and if I told you this, it'd not matter, only push you away, right? I cannot feel affection from anyone lately. oh i long to see you, but it hurts me inside to think that you might not come back, and you probably won't. and it's never me, but instead i always am caught in the crossfire between people fighting for life and brutal people with no concern for those around them.
so this is me crying out for what love i can get. i don't want another person, so save yourself the trouble of comparing yourself to others. what love  is will come to me. i've done what i can, and i cannot do anymore.
what you do is up to you, and if you choose to stay by my side, i will always be there. i never lied when i said that, and i never will.