Fixing her

Chapter 22

(Jennas pov)
(5months later) Ethan and I drive down to the hospital. We find Paige's room and get welcomed to a room full of smiles. We see Paige staring toward the window where Grayson is. Grayson turns around with a little baby with a pink blanket in his hands. He hands her to Paige and hugs us. When he comes to hug me he starts crying. "Thank you, thank you for keeping me positive" he cries and kisses my cheek. "What's her name?" Ethan asks looking at her with his eyes so bright. "Taylor" Grayson says. "Taylor Jane Dolan" he states again crying once more. Ethan looks so happy as he holds her. He looks at me motioning me to take her, I hold my arms open and hold her. So much pain, and anger is in me. Every baby I see makes me feel so guilty. Her little breaths she breaths, her little fingers moving, her little wines, everything my baby never got to live.  I hand her back to Grayson and sit down. Ethan's comes and sits down so I sit on his lap. He plays with my hair some and rubs my back. Grayson can't put her down. It's so cute seeing him like this. I smile watching this little family come together. The first thing I think is where are we all gonna stay...? It's gonna be so crowed and loud now. Ethan gets up and goes to hug them both. He grabs Taylor once again and smiles at her, his smile so big I swear I've never seen him happier. He sits back down with me. I start playing with her toes, as she wiggles them. "She's so small" I say staring at her. "I know...." Ethan says back. We stay at the hospital for a few hours talking and seeing Taylor. Ethan and I soon leave to get lunch. We stop at a small diner, we get seated and the waitress takes our orders. "I'm a uncle" Ethan says looking down with the brightest smile. "I'm so, so happy for you, and them" I say smiling back at him. "I want one so bad" Ethan says quietly, looking down. "Ethan........I don't think it's a good idea" I say trying to be as sweet as possible. "I know the way you look at her, the way your heart has the emptiness, and sadness" Ethan states. He isn't wrong I just don't want to admit to it. "Maybe one day" I say trying to end the topic. He just looks up and back down. Our food gets here and we eat not talking much. We get back into the car and get to the apartment. We get inside and we go straight to the room to change into our pajamas. Once were changed Ethan turns on the tv. We lay there, not speaking....he disappointed. It's like he wants me to just agree and him just take me home and get me pregnant but that's not how this is gonna work. "Ethan.... You know one day I'll want a baby too" I say weakly. "Ok" is all he says. I lay down and face the other side of the room. "I'm not guaranteed to get pregnant the first time anyway.....I don't to disappoint you" I say. "As long as we tried I wouldn't be upset" he says. He turns off the tv and faves the other way. This is not away to fall asleep. The next morning Ethan's gone. I get up and get dressed and do my hair and make up. I decide to go get some breakfast. I walk into a Denny's and get some food. Once I'm done I have no idea where to go but I don't want to go to the apartment. I drive to a near by mall and just go into a few stores. I ended up getting some Victoria's Secret underwear and bras, and some dresses from Forever 21. I get back into the car and see it's only 2 so I go to the hospital to see Grayson and Paige. I get up to their room and see Ethan. He just looks at me and looks away. His eyes red, has he been crying? I walk over and hug Grayson and see Paige is sleeping and Ethan is holding Taylor. I put my purse down and sit down in a extra chair. Ethan turns to me and says " I just love her so much I want us to have this" while looking at Taylor. I get up and hug him and kiss him. "I'm sorry, I wish I never had got pregnant in the first place and maybe I wouldn't be so scared" he just looks at me. I didn't realize it but tears are now pouring out of my eyes. He give Taylor to Grayson and he holds me while I sob. "This isn't easy" I cry. "I know..." He says crying too. We end up leaving and going home. The whole ride I still cry as I ride behind Ethan. We get home still crying he takes me by the hand and brings me up to our room. We're sixteen and he wants so much out of us. I can't do this. Ethan stares at the wall. "I really love you, I want you to be ready before we do anything" he says sadly. I nod and walk over to him and stradle him. My legs on each side of him. "We're sixteen with two beautiful lives ahead of us....it's going to be alright" I say and kiss him. He turns us over so he's on me. His leg between mine to keep them open. His breath heavy I know he doesn't want to fuck he wants love. But I don't think he's in a good mind set to make love. He starts to kiss my neck but stops himself. "I don't want to make you regret anything" he gets off me and sit on the bed facing the tv and wall. "I'm not gonna regret sleeping with you.....I just want to be safe" I say into his ear from behind him. He nods. He turns back over and pushes me down. Taking off his shirt. Soon mine after. Going down and unbuttoning my pants. So I slip off his belt and pants. Us left in just our underwear. He looks at me. "You make me so weak" he says smiling. We soon are naked looking at each other. He goes to push into me. "Condom" I state. "I don't want one" he says and goes to kiss me. "No Ethan...." "I wanna see what it feels like" he says. I feel bad because I'm sure he does want to see but he could be saying that. I feel so bad for him.... I know he really wants this. I nod my head in agreement with him. He smiles and hovers back over me. He looks up at me right as he pushes in. He shivers. "This is so much better" he groans. He starts going I feel him getting slower. He pulls out onto my stomach. His breath is heavy. "I'm so happy I waited for you" he smiles and cleans me up and lays on me. "I love you" he says as he drifts to sleep.