Gently into the good night

Chapter 24- Hidden Meanings

"When is the air craft leaving?" I ask Chris as he sits in the car with me.

"At three" he says and asks the driver to begin. He doesn't say anything further feeling offended about begins shut down constantly for the past few weeks.

He doesn't try to say anything more, I know he's nervous and he's not been on a flight before but deep down I don't care about his feeling because I feel so hurt. He's picked his job over me for countless times in the past few months. I feel rejected and used like he only wanted me when he needed comfort. He's being selfish and from us it's only become him. It shouldn't be that way. I expect him to ask me about how I am sometimes and if he can't be there he should at least tell me he cares. The relationship has limited to the three words now, the three words which are not proven by any actions anymore.

I glaze outside the window and for some reason I feel relieved that he won't be there for a month at least I know not to expect anything. He told me that calling isn't possible but he will definitely write to me and I told him not to bother because I know he would be fine or maybe I am just afraid he won't write and I'll be oblivious again. I don't know why I am still expecting anything from him. He doesn't care I remind myself. I close my eyes with nothing better to do.

"Hey, I am sorry I cut you off" he says.

"mmm.." I mumble with my eyes still closed.

"I am sorry" he says and I see an apologetic look on his face when I open my eyes.

"You've said that a lot lately but I haven't seen much change in you. It hurts to say this but I don't think you even care anymore. About me or about us" I say in a frosty tone. I want him to feel guilty for what he did; I want him to work on us. Not all day or everyday but sometimes. I feel like a terrible person because I want the person I love to feel pain. I don't want to be a sadist but I feel like one right now and I don't feel great about it but I don't feel guilty either.

"You're being evasive. Clearly! You're...." he says and pauses

"Oh baby, it's not that." He says and he holds my hands between his. It feels nice to hold his hand after so long. I forgot the last time I felt butterflies in my stomach. "I've just been so busy and I don't want to hurt you but it's my first project and I want it to work really well and I am working with such big people the idea of being perfect and I just feel so overwhelmed all the time and..." he starts rambling.

"It's okay. I was just not able to really understand. Everything changed so fast. I am sorry I couldn't catch up"

"You don't have to. You're perfect in your place" he says and kisses my hand. Once again I fall for him deeply. These little things he does just add up to stronger feeling for him. But I don't want to fall in love with him so deeply because everything that falls breaks. He just knows what to say, when to say it. He's clever and he convinces me and I know that. It feels like every time I try to burry my feelings for him he says something and the feelings are exhumed.

We reach the airport in a while and I see Peter standing with Benjamin. The airport is so different from the ones I am used to. The security check is not such a thing. You can smell more freedom and the security don't look at you like you are an undercover drug dealer.

"Hey Amelia, how are you doing? It's been so long since I saw you." Peter says pulling me into a hug. As I hug him I wonder if he has told Naomi and if he has how is she dealing with him.

"Almost six weeks" I reply releasing.

"Gentlemen, I recommend you exchange your farewells the aircraft leaves shortly. Amelia darling take care, we promise to bring back your man soon." Benjamin says and walks away.