Gently into the good night

Chapter 28- When reality Hits

It's the night of the launch party. I am sitting in the bathroom feeling nauseous. The whole situation is making me feel mawkish. I cover my face with my hands as I am standing in front of the mirror. I feel like I have to prove myself to everyone. That I am good enough and I need to be that way. The pit of my stomach feels deep and has an urge to throw up. This is important for Chris I remind myself.

"Baby, are you okay? You've been in there for quite a while now" Chris says knocking on the door. His voice is full of concern. It's mild and caring and I want to jump into his arms.

"I am fine, I'll be out in a minute" My words are broken as they escape my lips. I

"Are you sure?" He asks and pauses "Just let me in Amelia" his voice is demanding as he bangs on the door a couple of more times.

I walk out after a few minutes of breathing deeply. Chris is sitting on the bed across from the bathroom. His hands are covering his face. I walk up to him ad nudge him. He pulls me into his arms and rubs my back gently giving me a soft kiss on my cheek. Being in his presence just makes everything much better.

"Do you feel better?" he asks

"A little"

"It'll be amazing and you will take everyone's breath away. You are the most beautiful woman I've laid my eyes on" he says tucking my locks behind my ear.

"I hope I am not intruding?" Naomi says with a giggle. My face flushes red and we part from each other. Chris laughs and says "Absolutely not. I'll leave you girls alone now" he kisses me slowly before leaving the room.

Naomi tells me to stop being nervous and freaking out. She takes her dress and goes to the other room to try it on. I gulp and try on the dress that was chosen for me a week back. It fits perfectly and I let out a sigh of relief. I stare at my reflection feeling better about who I am and I feel I have reached the standards of expectation.

"You look gorgeous darling" I hear Alice's voice and I turn around.

"Thank you, you look beautiful too" I say with a smile. She is dressed up in a beautiful peach colour dress with embroider laces. She walks up to me and kisses my forehead and embraces me in her arms. I begin to recall memories of my mother; she was indeed the most beautiful person in the world. In 7th grade I was in the play 'Alice in wonderland' I was too shy to audition for Alice so instead I told mom I was going to try for the part of her sister. Mom asked me why I wasn't trying for Alice. I told her that I was too shy and I didn't want people to think I was a loser in case I messed up. My mom hugged me and kissed my forehead and said 'Pretend like no one's watching'.

I remember the nights when I cried myself to sleep and she always knew and when I woke up in the morning a glass of hot chocolate was kept next to my table with a card which always said 'It'll always get better. The world never ends for those who believe in a better tomorrow'

A tear rolls down my face and I begin to sniff within a few seconds. Alice's embrace tightens and she gently strokes my hair. "It's all right" she whispers.

"I miss my mother" i whisper back.

"Did you ever try talking to her after you left?" she says as I let go of the hug.

"No, I don't think she'll see me the same way if I go back" I say

"She loved you right?" Alice says with a smile.

"Yes she did. A lot" I say, biting my lip and gazing at the closed door.

"Well, if it was true then why wouldn't it be true now?" she says. Her eyes are sincere and motherly. The pain begins to build up in me. I want to be with my mother, my family right now. I remember how she told me how she wanted to see me in a beautiful dress during my senior year Prom. That will never happen.