Gently into the good night

Chapter 29- All I Want

It's been a couple of days since Chris and I broke up. I feel so hollow and empty inside. He hasn't contacted me since nor have I made an effort to. There is nothing in my life to beatify it. I need a purpose of existence something to work on in the future. Is this how old people feel when they are sick and they know they just have to wait till their illness consumes them?

I left Naomi's house a week ago after spending a week with her. I left like a burden there. Even though she kept telling me she loved having me around. There was always a nuncupate of infinitesimal annoyance. I decided to move and I spent that week looking for a cheap place to live. I have moved into a small apartment of my own which an old lady was desperate to rent. Peter kept telling me how Chris didn't speak to anyone except when he was forced to out of necessity. I was sort of the same. Broken and shattered like debris. Hope was a pseudologist, it said as time flows everything would be better but there was nothing to look up to.

I am in the market shopping my daily groceries. It's been a while since I hadn't smiled or felt better. I was living in a pseudopsia where the world is a better place where there is nothing but happiness. I was wrong. Utopia doesn't exist it's just an illusion for the people who lie to themselves that everything will be okay.

"Amelia! Oh my god. It's so nice to see you" a woman shrikes with excitement. It takes me a while to understand who it is. It is Vanessa, Byron's fiancée.

"Hey how are you doing? How is Byron?" I ask with a small smile

"I sent you the wedding card. It's in a week. I hope you'll be there and I am doing great so is he. We are quite excited for it. It's a little overwhelming but it feels like a dream come true." She says with a smile. I can feel the happiness and positivity radiate off her. It's so nice to see someone so jolly.

"Of course I'll be there. But do you have a card? I don't know the address." I say

"We sent one but I do have a card with me in my bag" she says unzipping her bag to take out a wedding invitation and giving it to me. "Please be there" she says with a smile. I nod and before I could say anything someone calls her and she says goodbye and leaves.

I walk back home alone after grocery shopping. I hum 'All I want' under my breath while walking home. It somewhat explains my situation in real life.

All I want is nothing more

To hear you knocking at my door

'Cause if I could see your face once more

I could die a happy woman I'm sure

When you said your last goodbye

I died a little bit inside

I lay in tears in bed all night

Alone without you by my side

But if you loved me

Why'd you leave me?

Take my body

Take my body

All I want is,

And all I need is

To find somebody.

I'll find somebody like you.

Oh oh

So you brought out the best of me,

A part of me I've never seen.