Gently into the good night

Chapter Ten- Nottingham

Throughout my sleep I felt the motion of the train, fast yet smooth. My sleep is disturbed, like a mixture of reality and dream. Like a déjà vu. After a while I give up on the idea of a downy rest and open my eyes exposing myself to the real world which I don't really prefer doing at the moment. "Slept well?" Chris asks fanatically, his eyes fixed on a magazine. "No, not even a little bit. Anyways how long to Liverpool?" I ask with a desire to reach the city as soon as I can. "In two hours we reach Nottingham and then we stay there for one night and then the next morning we have a train to Liverpool" he says closing the magazine and shifting his gaze to me. He looks at me with his beige eyes which have a unique spark in them. Suddenly his eyes remind me of Jordan's cerulean eyes which always twinkled when I looked at them. I miss him so much. But there is nothing I can do, the situation is way out of my hand. All I can do is wait with trivial hope. "Okay" I respond as the thoughts of home dominate my mind. What is mom doing? Does she know about me yet? Is Dad thinking about me? I wonder if Uncle came back from Washington. Are they making a plan to help me get back? Do they have hopes of my return or have they given up already? They will come for me right? Uh! I fight back the tears which are forcing their way out of my eyes. I know I can't survive here forever. I don't belong here. Chris hasn't taken my responsibility and he'll leave me one day. How am I going to survive then? I could get a job but what job? Then another question strikes me. Why would he invite me along if his plan is to deceit me and desert me in the end? I need the answer now. "Why did you bring me along?" I ask sternly. He looks at me a little astounded, he obviously did not see that coming . He chuckles says "Uhm because...uhm I am a keeper. If I forced you into this I am sorry. I could drop you back to Lincoln right now if you desire to leave." My eyes widen. "No, of course not. You don't have to. But why did you run away?" I ask and my body feels a little tense and agitated "Well because I want to go back home. To the place from where I can start my life and pursue my dreams" He says in a weak voice, almost too afraid to let out his feelings and unsure of the world he is heading to. "You will do it, I know you will" I say comforting him. "You won't stay with me forever and that makes me sad" he asks, his eyes fixed on me. "I am not going anywhere, your dreams are mine now" I say grinning, because I have nothing, all I can do is hope and wait forever. But there is something else strong about the statement. I felt something, a shiver run down my spine not of fear but of something I am unsure of. He grins and slowly looks away. Two more freaking hours to go, oh god!

I don't know how the time passed but I am glad it did and now we are finally off the train. I stretch with relief. All the women around me are in dresses and men in formal mod suits and hats. This clothing is going to take a while to be accepted and processed in my brain. "My friend's mom runs an inn here we could stay there for tonight" he says I just nod. Where you take me I'll go but don't deceive me and abandon me.

We reach the inn after a half hour drive. It's not one of the fancy hotels or inns or whatever. It's a plain and simple English house which is surrounded by a rose garden. "Hey Mrs Peterson" Chris says smiling away to glory after seeing a woman who looks around the age of thirty, watering the white roses in the corner of the gate. "Oh, Hello Chris. How are you?" the lady says walking towards us. They both unite in a hug and I walk awkwardly behind Chris. They have a conversation which I don't care to listen to and then the woman finally asks "Who is this young lady?" gazing at me. "Hello, I am Amelia" I say timidly. "She's my friend from Lincoln. Originally Manchester" he adds. I nod. "Let me get you something to eat" She says guiding us to the guest dining. "Any special preferences ?" Mrs Peterson asks "The usual" Chris says smiling. By their body language and everything I can figure out that this friend must have been and probably still is super close to him or something. The woman gets us something like a Caesar salad with goat cheese. Followed by Roasted crown lamb and then the meal ends with a Soufflé. I thank her as she starts conversation with Chris, they both are engrossed in their past stories and when a joke arises they occasionally glance at me and I just smile because what else can you do anyways? "Oh wait, let me call Jane. She'll be glad to see you" This catches my attention and Mrs Peterson runs inside to call this 'Jane' "Who is Jane?" I ask sternly. Chris' smile disappears and he says "A girl" he hesitates as he says this. "I know that. Who is she?" I ask again a little annoyed. Why am I jealous? There is nothing to be Jealous about. "She's Mrs Peterson's daughter and my childhood friend" he says like he doesn't care to let me know. I don't respond, there is nothing to say. I look at Chris, his eyes staring at the door eagerly for Jane's arrival. He looks like he will jump off the chair and run if he sees her. A little late a girl with a pink dress with white laces comes running our way. She looks full of joy and enthusiasm. Chris gets up and envelopes her into a hug. I just stare at them awkwardly and dig into my food because what else can you do anyways? As they part their excitement explodes out of them and they begin to talk and talk and talk more. She doesn't even notice me and then Mrs Peterson comes and joins the conversation. They are so occupied in each other that I start doubting my own existence. I just thank food for not only filling my stomach but giving me company. "Pardon me Mrs Peterson; can you just let me know where I can reside for the night?" I say hopefully. She nods and takes me to the second floor of the house. There is a long corridor with rooms on both sides. She allots me room number 205. It's a fairly small room with a bed a side table and a cupboard and an attached bath. I thank her and she closes the door behind me with no response in return. I look outside, the view is beautiful with small houses and I can also see the garden which is painted with beautiful coloured flowers. I close the curtains and lay on my bed not crying but amid with negative feelings. I envy Jane a little. I don't know why but I ignore the feelings and close my eyes for a while.

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

I sit up with a jerk. I realise I had fallen asleep. I quickly glance at the window and the sky is dominated by darkness. I open the door and I see Chris standing there looking at me curtly. An eerie silence follows, I don't know what is wrong but looking into his eyes feels intimidating. "Yes?" I ask slowly. "It's dinner time. Are you coming?" he asks me in a frosty voice. "I don't-" I begin to say but I stop. He looks at me with his earnest eyes but I don't know what to say. "Why did you leave like that?" he finally asks. "I was not feeling well" I lie. He shoots a restrained glare at me and I feel like I am the hostage of his dominance. "Don't lie to me" he says. "See you during dinner" I say and I close the door behind me. I go and wash my face and braid my hair, I don't have other clothes to change into so I wear the same floral attire. I open the door and he is still standing there. I look at him puzzled, he quickly reads my expression and says "Just thought of guiding you to dinner hall" I nod. He escorts me to the dining where Mrs Peterson and Jane sit wearing elegant dresses. A man sits beside Mrs Peterson opposite to Jane wearing the usual suit with a cravat ,who I guess is Mr Peterson. I smile at them and sit down in the corner of the table and Chris takes his place beside Jane. "This is Steve my husband " Mrs Peterson says making me familiar with the people I am going to be stuck with for few hours. A few men and women wearing manoeuvres clothing come to the dining, they are probably one of the guests. We are served prawn cocktail, chicken Caesar salad and a beef broth as the savoury items and then for dessert a tapioca pudding which feels like heaven on earth. I give all my attention to the food because no one really cares about me at the moment. The four of them speak about their nostalgic old days and Mr Steve brings up anecdotes when the conversations becomes too deep. I don't get up after my food is over, I sit there for a while trying to understand what they are feeling about their good old day. It reminds me about my friends and family back home. Maybe someday I will be sitting with someone from 1960s or 1970s and telling about my good old days back in the 2000s. How ironic. Chris and Mr Peterson get up to go take a walk around and Mrs Peterson excuses herself to go and check on the guests leaving me and Jane behind. Jane takes out a cigarette and presses it between her lips and slowly lights it. As she exhales the smoke I anticipate the invitation of my coughing fits. "Want to bum a smoke?" she says offering me a cigarette. "No thank you. I don't smoke" I say firmly. She lets out a wry smile and then says "Isn't Chris just adorable?" "I guess" I reply vaguely. "How long do you know him?" she asks looking at me and wanting to know our propinquity. "Not very long" I say forcing a smile. I feel so uncomfortable. Smoking has always seemed vile to me and I just cannot stand people who smoke. My throat feels itchy and irritated, I begin to cough. "Do you mind not smoking? I can't tolerate the smoke" I say feeling infirmity. "Okay" she says letting out her last batch of poisonous gas and crushing the used cigarette with her heels. What an ineffaceable memory! "And sweetheart, don't worry Chris and I are not in love, just friends. I am already another man's lady. Do not worry about losing him. He has committed to you already. He just doesn't know it yet" She says and walks away leaving me alone in the room with opera music ringing in my ears and her words hanging in the air.