The Secrets to New York

Eleven | Meggie

I introduced you to Meggie on December 16. It was my birthday and you said you wanted to meet my “sister.”

She isn’t my real sister, but you know that. I had grown up with her in the same foster homes, over and over again, and she was the closest thing I had to a real family.

The two of you seemed to hit it off pretty well; we played board games and listened to Christmas music all night. It was a tradition that Meggie and I have had since we were eleven. You were the first outsider we ever let be a part of that.

She told me that you were a keeper when you left that night. I never told you that though, it made it seem too real. There were so many emotions filling up inside of me at once--love, fear, hope--and I just didn’t know how to deal with them all. I think I started to put you at distance, and that ‘s when things started to get hard for us.

Just let him in Meggie would tell me, her eyes pleading with mine. He loves you so much, Emery. Just let him past the walls you’ve put up, okay?

I wanted to listen to her more than anything, but it was just so hard to open up a part of me that I have never given to anyone. I didn’t want you to see me as weak or vulnerable or too dependent . Those things scared me to death, because I knew that at any moment I could lose you. I just didn’t want to be left in a million pieces when it happened.

I guess we both know how well that worked out.