The Secrets to New York

Seventeen | Remembering

I started working at a tiny dinner on the corner about four months ago. It’s one of the ones that you used to take me to. (It’s actually the one we went to on our first “real” date). I don’t really know why I thought that would be a good idea. All I ever do when I’m working is remember.

It keeps me awake at night too--remembering.

I’ve always been told that I need to live in the present and let go of the past; that was something that even you would always tell me. But even though I hate remembering, I love it. It’s confusing and I’m not really sure what’s wrong with me.

I even thought I saw you the other day. Someone came in and took a seat in my section who looked identical to you. My heart started to beat a little faster as I made my way over to the table. I wasn’t sure exactly what I would say if it was you, but I was worried for nothing. To my complete and utter disappointment, it wasn’t you. His eyes were blue. I guess I knew that it couldn’t have been you, though. You’re long gone by now. I wish it would have been you, though and I wish you would come back.

But wishes don’t always come true.

And most of the time remembering just hurts.