The Secrets to New York

Twenty-Six | Habits

I guess habits are hard to break.

You still came into the diner every morning for your coffee. I still looked forward to it. You still slipped and called me Emmi sometimes. I still liked it. You still smiled that gorgeous, hope-filled smile of yours. I still went back to that park bench and remembered.

I wanted it all to stop, though. I couldn’t handle it. It hurt too much. I would sit at home and read and reread your book, trying to relive those days. It didn’t work, though, and I was still missing you. You brought the pretty girl back to the diner a few more times, but I never saw her again after that. I wanted so badly to ask you about her, but I was too afraid.

One day you came in and I was quiet. I don’t really know why; I guess I was just sad. I didn’t really feel like talking all that much.  

Emery, you said for probably the twentieth time. I looked up slowly, not sure what to expect from you. What’s the matter?

You really want to know? I stated rather bluntly. I guess I was just sick of holding it all in at that moment. You nodded and told me to go on. I just…I guess I thought that this meant something, Beckett. I thought you came in here every day to see me. But then you brought that girl here. How could you honestly do that? I mean, you know that I am here every day and you still decided to bring her here? Of all the places you could have? Beckett, that hurt more than you will ever know and I just…I can’t do this anymore. It all hurts way too much.

By the time I had finished ranting I was in tears. I looked at you only to see a completely bewildered expression on your face.

Are you talking about Chelsea? You asked, oblivious to anything else I had just said.

I guess so.

She’s my cousin, Em. You laughed, and then smirked a little bit. Were you jealous?

Your cousin? You nodded again. I felt the heat coming into my cheeks and you must have noticed too because you reached over and put your hand on my burning skin.

I would never do that to you, Emery. I wish you thought better of me than that.

I just shook my head, the tears were still falling, and I was beyond embarrassed at that point.

I could have sworn you mumbled I love you under your breath.