My Fandom-Filled Crazy Life

"Old" Friend

I probably haven't said anything about this before, so I'm saying it now so I can never forget it.

A friend of mine "disappeared" a while ago. I hadn't even known him for a super long time, a year at most, but we became pretty *close* (I wasn't think right and forgot that word yesterday XD) friends.

I'll do this thing where I'll hide any negative feelings I have because I don't want to worry people. I don't want others to be sad with me, I'd rather be sad alone. But he was freaking easy to talk to and was very understanding, so I was able to vent things to him and he'd get it, and he'd know just what to say, and my life looked like it was getting better. I'd been a bit depressed and he's been helping me out.

Then he disappeared. I got more and more depressed for a while, but then while I was taking seminary(my religious class) without even realizing it I began to feel better again (I'm totally fine now, btw, I promise).

Then just... Yesterday, I believe it was, he suddenly was back. I only got to say hi to him yesterday, though. Today I got to talk to him more, but I'd gone back into my shell and didn't really want to say anything to him at first. I got to vent to him again, tell him how I was angry he'd disappeared when I'd needed him, to tell him how overwhelmingly happy I was he wasn't dead, all that stuff, and he wasn't upset I was mad despite how he'd disappeared without being able to say bye even though he'd wanted to. I told him I wanted to punch him in the face and he told me to to ahead.

I cried. I got so overwhelmed that one of my best friends(I honestly believe I can call him that) was back and I couldn't take it, I just started sobbing in front of my computer. I've realised crying is pretty much my reaction to everything. I get too happy, I cry. I get too sad, I cry. I get too angry/frustrated/ overwhelmed, I cry. I laugh too hard, I cry.

Now, I'm sorry for bringing my religion into this, but I feel it's a big part of this entire thing. If religion makes you uncomfortable then you can stop reading now.

If you're still reading then I assume you're comfortable with the topic. Here I go:

I am LDS. I didn't always strongly believe that God existed, heck, I'm still developing my testimony, but I know now that God is real. I'd prayed, I'll admit it. I'd prayed for my friend, praying he wasn't dead and that he was happy(I didn't tell anyone that, though my friend said she did the same). I wanted to see him again. I was horrified that this friend of mine could be dead and I'd never learn for sure.

I'd attented seminary every class I possibly could. I started caring. I prayed more and cared more.

Back on the Wednesday before I went to Fan-X I'd prayed, not asking for anything. The entire prayer was me sincerely thanking God from the bottom of my heart for everything. I thanked him for my friends, family, school, trials, seminary, gospel, religion, everything. That prayer brought me to tears.

Then I noticed all these good little blessings in my life, ranging from last minue Fan-X tickets to being happier than ever before and finding things I'd lost months before.

And just yesterday in seminary our sub talked about this kid who'd read his scriptures twice a day, with a chapter in the morning and a chapter at night. I tried this yesterday(I forgot to this morning so I'm reading extra in a few minutes) and now I've got my friend back.

And I opened up again. And all the mixed feelings with my friend entering back into my life I was able to let go, and I feel that right now I'm at the highest point I've ever been.

I'm truly blessed that God didn't give up on me, that he continued to bless me, to mend my broken soul, then to slowly work at softening my heart. I know now thst God won't give up on any of us for any reason.

I know. I can truly say that I know God is real for the first time ever. I'm so greatful my eyes have been opened to truth of the gospel and so glad that I was truly converted.(This counts as bearing my testimony, I guess, so...) I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

I'm gonna cry happy tears again!

I don't actually know who this chapter will affect, but I felt I needed to share that, so, yeah.

Even if you're not religious I hope this chapter was good for something.

~<3 I love you all