Stupid Seconds *Sequel to TLF* (Luke & Jai Brooks Fanfic)

Chapter 29: No Turning Back

* Andi’s POV *

Clearly, this wasn’t the best birthday ever. It was the worst. I never expected this to happen. I thought I’d end up with Jai still in my life. But not like this. He ended up things just like that. He didn’t even want to be best friends anymore.

 I’m breaking up all my ties with you.

It echoed in my mind the whole night, not making me sleep peacefully from a very tiring day. Sure, I didn’t love him the same way he did loved me, but I thought I could still be with him as a friend, but I didn’t know that he would ever want me out his life completely. That was just unexpected.

Ever since my drinking incident, he has been with me, taking care of me. He had me in my worse which made me wonder why I didn’t love him in the first place. I was busy thinking that maybe I would learn to love him. But my heart kept on disagreeing, because I know that it was Luke all along, and no matter how much I force myself with Jai, that won’t make me complete.

You’re happier with Luke.

“Don’t find love. Let love find you. That’s why it's called falling in love because you don't force yourself to fall. You just fall.”

Maybe I was happier with Luke. My love with him falls perfectly. I don’t need to think of reasons why I should love him unlike with Jai.  But why does he always have to push me? Am I not good enough to be his best friend anymore?

But most importantly, why does he have to do this on my birthday?

I was in my bedroom cleaning some things. I wasn’t in the mood to do anything else. The whole afternoon I was ignoring Jai even though it hurts me but he has decided. I don’t want to force myself into him and get things more complicated.

Maybe this was good for both of us, as well as Luke.

It was a school night and I had to go to bed. I wasn’t sleepy. I thought about Luke and the things he did for me today. He doesn’t deserve any of the hurt I have him experienced this afternoon. But I couldn’t help it. He was still important to me and it breaks my heart every time I hurt him.

When I found out that Jai was giving me back to Luke, it was hard for me to say things to Jai not because I didn’t want to hurt him, but because I didn’t want to hurt Luke. He followed me all day even though I was hurting him with the way I reacted to Jai giving me up.

And it’s not that I don’t love Luke anymore but I feel like they’re passing me back and forth. I feel like it would be unfair to Luke if I just get back with him like nothing happened. I know he says ‘it’s okay’ but is it really?  

“Thank you for everything you did today, Luke. I’m sorry for putting you in so much pain. I didn’t mean to. I hope you can forgive me.” I texted him.

He called me. “What are you saying? It’s okay, Andi. I love you. Don’t think about it, okay.”

“Thank you.” I uttered.

“You should go to sleep.”

“I can’t sleep.” I replied.

“Want me to sing you a lullaby?” He asked.

He started singing even though I didn’t say yes. “Andi, go to sleep. Tomorrow’s gonna be another day. Cheer up, okay.”

“I’ll try. Thank you so much, Luke.” I said and we both hang up.

I wanted to say I love him but I didn’t want him to think he was a fall back. He wasn’t my fall back. He never was.

It was already 230am and I really had to go to sleep. I tried to sleep. I kept on tossing and turning until I did. But my alarm clock sounded as soon as I think I fell asleep. It was already 7am and I was having a bad headache. I wasn’t in the mood to go to school and ‘catch up’ with anyone about what happened yesterday. If only I can have the choice to stay at home, I would but I would probably fail in school. I went to Australia because of my dad and I want him to be proud of me. I was here to change my life, to get away from bullies. I never expected I would be in love and worse, with twin brothers.

I got up and start getting ready for school. I need to change. I need space from everyone. I need to love myself before I can love someone again. And today, I’m gonna start that change. I went to school just right in time.

The group is still divided into two even though they were all at my place last night. I went straight to my locker. I heard them call my name but I didn’t look back. The whole day I was distant. I know they shouldn’t be dragged into this but I just didn’t want to be with anyone. It was my choice.

At the end of the day, I dropped my things in the locker. It was still full of pictures with Luke and Jai. I haven’t really removed them, but Jai wants to move on. Maybe I should too.I was scared to get out of the school because they both might show up.

“You’re distant to your friends the whole day. What’s wrong?” Robert appeared out of nowhere.

“Nothing, I don’t wanna talk about it.”

He didn’t force me to speak up. We both went outside school the same time. The twins were outside hanging out with Kaity and the group.

“Hey, happy birthday, Andrea.” Robert said and left.

“Thanks.”

You can do this, Andi. You can walk in between them and not look back. Come on, do it.

I was scared. It was one of the nervous things I have to do in my life. Yeah, I’m exaggerating for some I know but it’s how I felt. I looked down the whole time and walked briskly out of school grounds.

“Wait up!” Luke ran beside me. “Where are you going?”

“I don’t know, probably the mall or something.”

“Can I come with you?”

“Okay.” I uttered. We hailed a cab and went to Highpoint.

“Are you feeling better?” He inquired.

“Yeah I guess…” It looks like tables have turned. A few days ago, it was Luke who was all quiet, but now it’s me. It was me who was cheering him up, and now it’s the other way around.

“Are you still mad at Jai?”

“I don’t wanna talk about him anymore…” I exclaimed. “He wanted to move on. It’s time to move on.”

“Do you want to move on from me too?”

I looked at him. “Do you want to?”

“I’ll never leave you, Andi. I promise. I may have made a mistake once, but I’m not doing that again. My life isn’t the same without you.” He explained.

“I don’t want you to feel like you’re a stupid second to Jai. I never want you to feel that you’re a fall back because you’re not. You have been my first for everything. You’re important to me but I don’t want to hurt you anymore.” I explained.

“You’re gonna hurt me more if you move on with your life without me.”

“No, Luke. I just need time for myself. I want to see that girl you fell in love with and the one you’re fighting for. I guess I’m just tired. I feel like when I’m passed on to one another when they’re done with me. I feel worthless right now and I can’t help it.” I cried. Luke hugged me tight.

He kissed me on the cheek and said, “So I guess we’re just friends right now.”

Being friends with Luke was… a stab in my heart. I never knew that the love we have for each other could turn into a forced friendship, not because we don’t want love each other anymore, but because we need to save the love that we have right now.

I know it doesn’t make any sense. I was scared to be his friend because I can’t imagine him with another girl. I was selfish. I want him to be mine alone but since we’re officially not together anymore, I don’t have the right to stop him to spend some time with some other girls.

It wasn’t what I wanted but I need to grow. We need to grow as a couple. If we didn’t do this, we might end up with nothing, like what happened between Jai and I, and honestly, that was something I hated. But things happen. You can’t really control love and your emotions.

We didn’t end up in the mall like we planned to. Instead we went to a park and talk things over. We were just friends now. It’s awkward but I would rather have him as a friend than completely lose him just like Jai.

I lost him completely.