Out Of The Woods

Falling Slowly

"It's okay, Callix. You're alive. It's okay." I whispered as I held him tighter.

This poor guy. Everybody loves him. Everyone cheers his name. Everyone follows him... Yet, he longs for a person who'll never come back and will never see. And, I think, that's one of the loneliest places any person can be in.

Sabi ni Callix pareho kami. Mali sya. Magkaibang-magkaiba kami. Malungkot sya. Galit ako. Nagmamahal pa rin sya. Ako hindi na magmamahal. Gusto na nya makawala sa sakit, habang ako inaalagaan ko pa din iyon. Ayokong pakawalan yung sakit. Dahil sa oras na pakawalan ko 'to, hinahayaan ko na rin ang sarili ko na masaktan at mawasak ulit... Pero bakit ngayong akap ko na si Callix, natutukso akong makawala din?

Bumitaw ako sa pagkakayakap sa kanya. Nakakunot ang noo nya at tinititigan ako sa mata na parang may hinahanap.

"Kung tatanungin mo ko ng are we there yet, sasagutin kita ng fuck you ka sa Pluto. You will never get there, wherever 'there' is, Callix. Go somewhere else. Baka sakaling makarating ka sa 'there' if you change path." I said sternly.

He just shrugged and looked down.

"You haven't really grieved, have you?" Tanong ko sa kanya?

"I've been grieving for three years now."

"Hindi ganyan mag-luksa. Moping ang tawag dyan. Gusto mong kumawala pero ayaw mo humakbang palabas sa kalungkutan mo. Use anything but sadness to get out of that misery, Callix."

"And what do you suggest I do?"

"Hindi mo kaya maging masaya na wala sya? Magalit ka. Halukayin mo yung kakarampot na galit na pilit mong tinatago nung pinili ni Sam si Judas."

"Don't say his name." Callix said with gritted teeth. His eyes were flaring with anger.

"Oh. Galit ka diba? Gamitin mo yan. Magalit ka na si Judas na hindi deserving ang minahal ni Sam."

"I told you not to say his name!"

"Galit ka sa pangalan na Judas?" I smirked. "Judas! Judas! Judas!"

"Shut up!"

Humakbang ako palapit sa kanya hangang sa maliit na lang ang pagitan namin. I looked up at him and stared into his eyes. I've put on my bravest face and hissed the name that enrages him.

"Judas..."

Callix looked more furious.

"Jud-" I didn't get to finish. Because, holy fuck, Callix's lips crashed mine.

I was wide eyed. My lungs stopped working. My brain stopped too. But my heart? Oh, my dear heart worked triple time. It was beating really fast. My mind was blank until I felt his lips move. He gently nibbled on my lower lip and slowly moved on the upper.

My brain felt like it was jumpstarted, but instead of pushing him away- which was more rational, my hands grabbed on to his shirt and pulled him closer. I closed my eyes and responded to his toe curling kiss. His hands were cupping my cheeks. I could feel their warmth. His rythm went faster. I felt the need in his kiss. Oh how I missed kissing. I could just melt in his arms.

I don't know how long we were kissing, but I went back to my senses when Callix slowed down. I finally found the right state of mind and strength to push him away from me. Nagkatitigan kami. He stared at my lips. They feel swollen as I touched them. I stared at Callix's lips. My dark lipstick smudged on his mouth.

"Inagaw mo yung lipstick ko." I said.

"Ha?" Tanong nya na nakakunot ang noo.

"Lipstick stain on your lips. Hindi pala bagay sayo ang dark red na shade. Baka yung mga orange or nude tones ang bagay sayo."