State of Grace (Complete)

Twins go to Prom, I go to Court

Ch 37

Spring is in full bloom and my night class is almost done. I'll be really happy to free up two nights a week, but I have to find something else to keep myself busy. I'd really like to have a job again, but I'm not sure I can handle it right now. I'm going to have to find something for the summer, though, because I can't work at the camp and do my summer school course. Chris and I go out for coffee sometimes and it's really nice. He's totally excited, showing me the course information and residence booklets.

"Are you going to go to prom?" It's only a few weeks away.

"Yeah, a group of us are going together."

"That's great, who?"

"Kyle and his date, Carmine and I, Ian and his date, and a couple of guys from band."

"Cool. You and Carmine, huh?"

"Yeah, but just as friends. He's great, but he's just not the guy for me. I've already checked and my school has a pretty active gay student union, so hopefully I'll get to meet some people."

"That's awesome. I'm so excited for you." And I am, just sad for me.

"You can come with us if you want."

"To prom? No, my prom is next year. You guys are moving on." Without me. "Besides, it wouldn't be fair. You need to have a good time instead of worrying about me."

"I'm amazed at your restraint. Don't you want to know who they are bringing?"

"Who, the guys from the band? Not really." It's killing me not to ask, and I think Chris knows it, but I am not going to do it. I basically told Ian to move on, and he's doing it. I should be happy for him.

The limo bus they hired is in front of their house. Chris and Ian are the first stop, then they'll pick up everyone else. I can't help but watch out the window. I want to see them in their finery, even if I don't go down to talk to them. Chris comes out first in a black tuxedo with a tan tie and vest. His tux is going to match Carmine's, who is wearing a tan tux with a black vest and tie. They got boutonnieres for each other and I am so proud that they are both able to be out together, even if they aren't dating anymore. Ian comes out of the house next and he is so stunning he takes my breath away. His hair has been gelled so it is rakish and tousled, and he is in a slate grey tuxedo that is muted with a lilac coloured bowtie and vest. He's wearing his purple suede vans with it, and he has a smile on his face that is all Ian. It is killing me to watch, but I can't turn away. They pose for a few photos together, Andrea and Steve are out with their phones snapping pictures, then they climb onto the bus. Before the doors close, Ian looks up at me before I can move away and his smile changes, softens, and his eyes open wider. He raises his hand to wave and I put mine up against the glass. It is just a moment, but I can feel the pull, the need, the want. Time and distance hasn't altered it. But then the door closes and they pull away.

The next day is sunny and beautiful. The lure of the verdant green leaves and warm sun is too much for me to be just sitting in my room, so I take a blanket and a book and go outside. The forest is full of the sounds of nature, chattering squirrels, twittering birds and it just gorgeous. In the meadow I spread out on a blanket reading a novel. I am about twenty pages in when Ian intrudes on my solitude. He clears his throat to let me know he's there, even though I could hear his familiar footfalls coming.

He's carrying some art supplies and a lawn chair, "So, how was prom?"

"I don't really want to talk about it," he says testily.

I don't want to fight. "Okay, should I leave?" I offer.

"No, Grace, I'm sorry, I just need to draw. Is that okay?"

"Of course. I'm just reading." I turn back to my book and read the same page over and over, but none of the words register. I can hear the scratching of his pens across the page and he flips to new pages a few times. I give up trying to read, instead I stretch out lay my head on my arms and close my eyes. The sun is warming me, and his breathing and noise of his sketching is luring me in and out of sleep.

"I got into university," Ian says softly. I keep my eyes closed, "I'm studying graphic arts and marketing, and it's all because of you, Grace." I don't say anything, I don't know what to say. I am so thrilled that he's doing something he loves, but I can't stand the idea of him leaving. I don't want it to hurt, I don't want to be selfish, but I really don't want him to go. I try to keep my face neutral, but I can feel the tremble, my eyes watering. Finally I can't take it any more, I wipe my eyes and ask.

"Where?"

"Here, in town. I'm not getting any money, like Chris, so I'm living at home for first year at least."

"I'm so proud of you, Ian. I knew you could do it." I try to keep the quiver out of my voice.

"Thanks Gracie," almost a whisper. My heart breaks into a million pieces. I want to hug him. I want to crawl into his lap and cover his lips with mine, but I don't, can't. There is so much I want to say, but it's not fair to either of us. Instead, I look at my watch and pretend I have an appointment. I almost run through the forest, scared of what would happen if I stayed.

A week later, at the worst possible time, the proceedings for the sexual assault case against Chad is scheduled. I am ready, but I am still worried sick. Ian is given a subpoena to testify, I saw the court vehicle outside his house. We all have exams in three days, but apparently it shouldn't take very long so they don't move the case. In a way, I am glad, I just want it over with. On the day of the trial, I have to arrive at the courthouse at 8:30 in the morning to meet with the prosecutor. My mom comes as moral support, and because I'm a still a minor. I don't see Ian when we are leaving, but I know he has to be here somewhere, too.

The proceedings only take a few hours. I testify and tell my side of the story. Chad's attorney does a cross examination. I try my hardest to keep my composure, and it goes okay. Ian is called to the stand and he speaks clearly and calmly. He looks a me a few times across the room and I can see the pain in his face. Mostly I feel like an observer, just watching, detached. The police present their evidence, and the trial is done. The judge takes a short recess and, after lunch, Chad is given a five month conditional sentence and two years probation. Because he was just under 18 when the offence happened, he will not be a registered sex offender.

I am okay with the result. I don't want Chad's life ruined from one stupid mistake, and apparently he has been very good at following all the limits set on him by his probation. Really, I don't want to see him in jail, just afraid of ever doing anything like that again. I decline to make a victim impact statement, but Chad does make an impassioned apology to me and the court, making me feel a bit better.

Outside the courthouse, Ian is waiting. As a witness, he wasn't allowed to watch the trial at all. "Well?"

I explain the sentencing and Ian isn't as pleased with the results as I am. "He can't just get away with it!"

"Ian, he didn't. He's on a very strict probation and if he steps out of line at all, he'll be thrown into jail. I'm not happy with what he did, but it could have been worse. You saved me, and that act is merciful for me and him."

"How is it merciful for you, Grace? You lost almost a semester, you lost the ability to feel safe when you are out with friends, I mean you can't even hug anyone." He's so upset.

"Ian, that's enough. It's over, and for Grace's sake, let it go," my mom pulls me to the parking lot before I can say anything. Oddly, when she grabs me, I don't even flinch. In the car, everything hits me all at once and I cry all the way home.