State of Grace (Complete)

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A/N Warning violence and rape

Ch 30.

The party is totally raucous by the time I arrive after work. My mother still has my keys, so I had to walk the 20 minutes in the cool night air. I am falling apart at the seams and I can only hope to forget at the party tonight. The keg shines brightly across the room and I am drawn towards it like a moth to a flame. I want to be numb, dulled, and my mind to be quiet, and multiple trips to the keg seems like the best way to do it since I am out of weed. After an hour or two, time is slipping away and everything wrong in my life is not forgotten, but not waving in front of me either.

Music pounds at my head, knocking me sideways when I try to stand. I need the bathroom and then some more to drink, colours and people spin in front of me making it hard for me to grope my way across the room. A hand slips around my waist, warm breath in my ear. "Need a hand, Sweetheart?" I recognize the voice and try to turn to face the person holding me.

"I need the bathroom, that's what I need." I'm pretty sure that's what I said.

"Let me help you, Darling," this time I am able to place the voice and realize it's Chad, one of the guys Ian used to party with all the time. This is an Ian type of party, beer flowing, pipes lit, but apparently he's trying the straight and narrow for awhile. I'm not sure if it was prompted by Chris' applications to a bunch of universities all away from home, whereas he has no prospects, or if he just got tired of being so angry all the time. That's okay, I'm angry enough for all of us. Either way, it's not like either of them are talking to me right now, and Chad is.

"Thanks, Chad," I giggle as his scruffy goatee tickles my neck.

He leads me to the bathroom and waits outside for me while I relive the fulness of my bladder. When I come back out, he's all over me again. It's kind of flattering that Chad's interested, when most guys aren't. I'm sure its still because of the Reed Boy's threats, and Owen's beating, but it's nice to get some attention. There were random guys in the summer, but none of them were from around here, none of them really knew me. Besides, I know that Ian and Chris won't bother to protect me now. Chad and I stumble back across the room where we stake a claim on a couch. He gets me another drink, then the two of us get much better acquainted. His tongue is jammed down my throat and it's not all bad. It's not a sweep me off my feet kind of moment, but I'm not sure I'm even that kind of girl. People jostle against us, causing the kiss to break off, and Chad gives me what I think is meant to be a sultry look, his lidded eyes and pouting lips fill my vision. I try not to laugh because I don't want to wound his pride, but it really is funny. Chad ignores my reaction, or at least chalks it up to the amount of beer I've consumed, but suddenly I know this isn't for me.

"Shit, I have to go home. I'm just totally done," I try to stand.

"No problem, Grace, do you need a ride?"

I try to remember where my car is, and realize it's at home. Crap. Maybe I should call someone for a ride? Who would come? "Yeah, I do. Can you take me?"

"Us alone in a car? I like those odds," Chad makes some sort of innuendo, but it doesn't fully register.

"Let's go then, Chad." I stand uneasily, and his arm steadies me, helping me outside. I am cold but can't remember if I brought a coat, and I get goosebumps up and down my arms.

"Looks like you're excited," Chad says, leering at my breasts.

"Just cold, and tired," I try to rebuff him. Maybe I should just walk home? I turn towards the sidewalk.

"Where are you heading? Grace, the car's right here," he points to his beat up sedan and opens the passenger side door for me. "Come on, let me take you where you need to go."