State of Grace (Complete)

Moving On

Ch. 40.

SEVENTEEN —gr 12

My birthday this year is strange. I don't have Chris with me for the first time since I was four, although he does text me first thing in the morning. Instead, my mother and Andrea have a small party in the back yard. Ian, Kyle, and Carmine—with his boyfriend—are there and so is Elizabeth and Xavier. My dad was supposed to come, too, but it conflicted with a 'conference.' He sent a card with Elizabeth, though, and a cheque for one hundred dollars. Carmine is in his last year of high school, like me, and when we compare our schedules, we have french together again, but that's it. Kyle and Ian got me a gift certificate for the hair salon, since my hair could actually use a style now.

My mom and Andrea really hit it off with Elizabeth and spend most of the time passing Xavier between the three of them, except when I carry him around. He gives me big baby slobbers and I giggle when he plays with my hair.

"I've never been so jealous of a baby," Kyle jokes. "Look at him getting all the Angel love."

"Well he is the cutest guy in the room," I tease. I look up from Xavier's little face and notice Ian watching me. I flush and quickly look back down.

"So you guys have an orientation activity tonight?" Ian and Kyle are both nominally in the same department, business, although different major focusses.

"Yeah, we have some sort of a dance or something at the club on campus," Kyle tells me.

"Sounds like fun, College Men. Gonna hook-up with the freshman ladies?"

"That's the plan, unless you're interested," Kyle gives me a wink.

"Nope, still totally hands off here. I'm thinking of joining a convent."

"I think you need to be Catholic for that," Carmine points out.

"Oh well. It was just an idea," I shrug.

"Grace," Ian begins, and I can tell by his tone of voice where he's headed. "I'll wait. I'll wait for you."

Everything stops, well, actually I'm sure it doesn't, but for me it feels like it. My heart stops, my breathing stops, the people around me freeze. I can't believe Ian is laying himself out like this in front of everyone.

"No." I shake my head and my eyes meet his. His beautiful, deep brown eyes full of need, a need I can't fulfill. "Don't, Ian," I say softly, my heart breaking.

Kyle pats Ian on the back and looks at me sadly. "I told you, Man."

Ian stands and puts on his best fake smile, "We should go, Kyle. Happy Birthday, Grace." Ian's fingers trail across the table right in front of me, slowly, deliberately, gently. I want to grab them and keep him from leaving, but I can't do that to him. I know if I asked him to wait he would, and I'm glad Kyle didn't push it.

"Good bye, Ian." I focus on his beautiful fingers for a fraction longer than I should, then I close my eyes.

"See you later, Angel," Kyle says with false cheer, "Happy Birthday."

After they leave, Carmine and Phil go a few minutes later. Xavier has fallen asleep in my arms, so I transfer him to his car seat.

"Everything okay, Grace?" Andrea asks. I'm pretty sure she saw what happened between Ian and I.

"Not really, but it's how it has to be," I answer, honestly.

"Oh, Sweetheart, time heals all wounds." And I'm not sure how to take it.