State of Grace (Complete)

Standing Tall

Ch 44.

My second semester is going just as well as my first, my classes are okay, minus my math, but at least I don't need a good math mark for university. By mid-terms, my average is high and even my math is in the low eighties. I get my letter from school early in April, and I've gotten into all three of my programs that I applied to. My job and workouts keep me busy, but I know I am missing things. In an effort to be more social, Carmine, Phil and I decide to go out to dinner together to celebrate—Carmine's gotten into a French program in town and Phil still has another year of high school.

"Grace, there's a party after this, want to go?"

"I don't know, guys. Me and parties don't go so well."

"Just give it a chance, Grace. I'm sure everything will be okay," Phil reasons. "And if it isn't, there's nothing that says you have to stay, right?"

"Okay."

We walk into the party at someone's house, I'm not even sure whose, and it is big. The music is pounding and there are a bunch of senior and juniors filling the house with a good smattering of nines and tens, too. I'm not comfortable exactly, but I know it's good for me to get out.

"Do you want a drink?" Phil asks.

"No, I'm good, but you two go ahead." Phil nods and goes to get he and Carmine a drink. I'm driving anyway.

We find a group of people we're friendly with and hole up in a corner of the dining room having an animated conversation about whatever, when a hush falls over the group. Turning, I see Audra draped all over Chad heading towards us. I'm not sure if Chad notices me at first, he's kind of being lead around. I feel a bit sick, but I know I can handle this. Audra is clearing trying to force something.

"Oh, sorry Grace, we didn't see you there." Audra says, pulling her hands out of Chad's pockets, and lips off Chad's face.

Chad looks at me and his eyes open in shock, "I can't be here. Audra, we have to go." He knows that being here when I am would be a violation of his probation.

"No, you can't let this bitch get away with this shit, Chad. You have every right to be here."

"No, Audra, I don't." Chad starts to pull away, I know he's worried.

I don't want a scene, so I tell her, "Don't worry, I'm leaving."

"What, scared to be in the same room as him? Feel guilty about lying?" Audra pushes me, and it's once too often. I haul off and punch her square across the jaw and she goes down like a sack of flour.

"Look Chad, I know you didn't know I was here, so I won't say anything as long as she stays away from me." He nods and picks her up, carrying her out of the room.

"Holy shit, Grace, you're a beast." Carmine says, breaking the silence of our circle. "To think I used to be your bodyguard."

"I think the self-defence classes helped."

"No kidding," comments Phil in awe, and everyone else nods in agreement.

I don't stay too much longer, but at least I learned a few things about myself tonight. I can handle myself at a party and I can knock someone out with one punch.

Graduation looms and I am prepared to leave this horror story behind me. High school was definitely not the best time of my life. I have a dress picked out, and my mom, Elizabeth and Xavier are coming to watch. Chris texted me congratulations, but he and Sam are busy doing summer jobs. Chris is working in a medical clinic and Sam is working at a youth shelter. They are both very much together and very happy with each other. I haven't spoken to Ian since Christmas, except for the occasional 'hi,' but I know from Andrea that he has a full time job working doing layout at a local paper and is still working at the gas station. He is saving up to have enough money to move into his own place for the fall.

My ceremony is a lot like the twins last year—the speeches are pretty much the same, everyone looks the same in their caps and gowns, and the crowds cheer. I am happy to be done, but that's about it. I take a few pictures with my mom and with Carmine, but mostly it is uneventful. Andrea and Steve give me a present of a gift card for the university bookstore when I get home, and we all go out to dinner together. It's nice, but I am just flat. My life is floating by and I am a bystander.

The day of my eighteenth birthday comes and goes with little fanfare. Chris sends me a present, Maggie texts me, my mom and Elizabeth give me a gift certificate for new clothes, but the worst part is what's going on outside my window. Ian is moving out. I knew he got an apartment near campus, and I am glad he's moving on with his life, but it still hurts. I don't go out, and I don't let him see me watch from my window. Instead I sit in my room and cry, waiting until I hear his car leave. When I do finally come down, there's a note on my windshield.

'Grace, Happy Birthday, sorry I missed you, Ian' and there's a subscription for the New Yorker, one of the best creative writing magazines out there. I guess he heard about my choice of program, and it really is a thoughtful present.