Melanin Beauty

chapter 33

I was hoping for another one of my dreams one that included my father... I thought back to the dream I had when he told me he loved me and will always be watching over me. If my father was dead I would have no choose but to accept it... But knowing if he is or not didn't give me any closure.

I stretched and sighed at the same time awhile Standing up from my bed I went and brushed my teeth and washed my face and stared at myself in the mirror a routine that I started doing in the mornings.

I went into my room grabbing my back pack and opening it and taking out my index cards scissors and tape. I cut them in half and walked back into the bathroom sitting on the toilet trying to think of the positive things my father said to me. Its been a long time a little over 5 years. I just needed to remember him some way I needed some type of voice from him...

'You got yo' momma's eyes.' He would smile before tapping me on my nose.

I shook my head at the memory writing it down and taping it to my bathrooms mirror.

' I will always be watching over you.' I wrote down another although those weren't his exact words that came out of him mouth... Well I don't know but it made me feel better.

' don't let nobody tell you you can't do something... Don't let nobody tell you shit... Because you can do anything you set your mind to.'

' your beautiful and you don't need no fast ass boy to tell you, you are or not.'

And most importantly. ' I LOVE YOU.' I wrote in all caps and boldly.

I taped that to my mirror as I wiped away a tear.

" God I miss you." I said aloud standing to my feet. I walked my ROM only to run into my mother who had a cute basket of all types of fruits cut up into neat shapes and flowers for decoration.

I would complement them but I was still mad from yesterday.

" these are for you." My mom said.

I raised a eyebrow. " you didn't have to do that mom..." I mumble tucking my lips into my mouth.

" no...no I didn't buy these I thought Danny sent them to you..." My mother looked around it. " but it doesn't have a tag."

She handed them over to me.

" I don't want this it could be poisoned." I moved the fruit basket farther away from me.

" ask Danny if he sent them to you."

" Danny knows I don't like flowers." I looked at the red pedals...flowers just held memories to me especially red roses. Some say red roses or a symbol of love but I say they're nothing but bad luck and hatred.

I shook my head. " I've been feeling like people or somebody is watching me." I confessed to my mom.

I frowned when she gave me that look she did when I first told her about my dreams.

" its just something you got from your father you know he always thought that people were watching him." She paused. " but if its bothering you that much how about we contact somebody a... Doctor we can even try to figure out where these came from." She took a red pedal off the basket and inhaled it. She smiled before putting it back.

" if I go to the doctor they're going to think I'm crazy and send me to a therapist or a home that has surveillance in those tiny white rooms ."

My mom shook her head. " your over exaggerating they won't do none of that maybe send you to a therapist but I think you need to go. You've been through a lot at a very young age." She twisted her lips to the side.