Don't be Chicken (on hold)

One; The life of Karman

I wasn't a country girl, I didn't help plant corn every season or help raise cattle or ride tractors. I wasn't a city girl, I didn't wear fancy clothes or get worked up about getting mud on me.

I was just; a girl. A 17 year-old girl that didn't fit into a category of city or country. 

My dad did raise sheep, and I was pretty interested in them, but I had different plans for my future rather than becoming a rancher.

           I wanted to be a teacher.

Not a teacher of high-schoolers - a teacher for elementary school kids that love life, kids who's only worries are what is packed in their lunch.

     I was an only child, no siblings. No matter how much I begged my parents to reconsider, it never worked. I decided a long time ago at the age of 7 that I might as well give up.

    My mom was a Nurse. She insisted that I get good grades and do well in school, I didn't argue, because that's what I wanted to do. She worked day and night, and I barely saw her between the spare time she had and the countless hours she needed to work.

She was beautiful though, her name was Britt Nicole, and she looked like a Britt. She had reddish hair, but it leaned more towards a dark mud color. It's surprising actually, somehow I ended up with a mixed color between brown and blonde. Dirty blonde.

My father was a rancher. Except he wasn't a real rancher since we only had sheep. But they made nice food and my stomach was always full before we went to bed. I loved my dad, more than anything.

My dad and I would talk constantly, he was someone I could tell anything to. Unlike my mom, he made it to every one of my games or sporting events.

        The only problem was this; my mom was a vegetarian. She hated meat. I guess this made my Father frustrated a lot so they fight almost non-stop. With my strong eavesdropping skills I knew they were considering on getting a divorce.

         It broke my heart.

         It broke my mind.

They acted strong in front of me, but I was 17; I wasn't dumb.   Of course my mom being a vegetarian wasn't the only thing that persuaded the divorce. My mom had fallen out of love. Or that's what she says.

Love is a choice, not a feeling. I think my mom just got tired of trying. I could never forgive her for giving up on us. On me.

So my parents decided to send me to Arizona to live on my Grandparents Ranch for the summer, millions of miles away from Pennsylvania and Carson.

Carson Lemming was my boyfriend of 9 months, he had dark curly hair that sat right on his forehead and his grades sucked ass.  Carson kind of flipped when I mentioned me leaving for 3 months ; He insisted that long-distance relationships never worked out. I thought I was willing to try, but he probably thought football was more important than me anyways.

We didn't break up, and I don't think we will until I get back and figure out he slept with another girl. Carson and I never had sex, we haven't even came close to it.

          In the back of my mind I knew Carson wasn't right for me, I didn't trust him like I should. But I stayed anyway, just like I did in the beginning of our relationship.