Turn

Chapter 30

"I hate my life," I say as we walk down the street. The sun is beginning to set and my mind is still spinning with a shit load of confusion.

"Why would you say that?" He speaks quietly, shoving his hand in the front pockets of his jeans.

"I can't articulate it completely, but let's just say if I were to move away from all this, I would be perfectly okay," I say motioning in the air.

"What about Kristen, your job, and most importantly me?" He smiles.

"Fuck Kristen, I didn't even ask for her to be here, my job isn't all that it turned out to be, and I'd take you with me of course!" I nudge him.

"What's your beef with Kristen any ways?"

"Well we used to be like sisters, I told her everything, it was her and Charlie, the only two who kept me going, but after Charlie died I got even worse. I was 'clinically depressed' which pissed my mom off and put fire into her life, and Kristen saw some things that she shouldn't and didn't say anything when she should have, and now she barges in as if it is all okay and it's really not, and it never will be." I say looking down.

"Hmm." is all he says. Me opening up to him doesn't surprise me anymore, and I don't think it does for him either.

"I think you're a good person Rosa,"

"Why? I'm a fucking bitch, you said it yourself. I personally, I think I'm a terrible person and I don't understand why you are still here after what you have heard and seen so far, you should be running in the opposite direction at this point!" I say in a light tone.

"After my dad left, my mom fell into a terrible sadness or something, it sucked bottom line. I was only a kid and I had to take care of her, I was the one to pull her out, and I saw her at her worst, she would cry and smash things, and she would drink, a lot. I stayed by her, and I loved her every second, no matter what, it was sorta an unconditional love," he raises an eyebrow at me.

"So what are you saying? you've got some unconditional love for me?" I say almost teasing. He stops on the sidewalk.

"What I'm saying is I love you, and I'm not going anywhere," he says and my heart stops. The air in my lungs is gone, and I am left to stand there like an open mouthed idiot. I can't believe he just said that.

"What?" I say a little louder than I meant to.

"I-I'm sorry." he stammers.

"No, no don't apologize, I just can't believe you said it, come on," I turn to start walking back down the sidewalk.

"So what now?" he says walking behind me.

"We can go get some food?" I suggest.

"Uh- sure," I can tell he is disappointed. I wanted to say it back, but I don't think I really can.

When we are both seated in the small diner a thin blonde waitress comes up to our table with a heated look on her face, Harry avoids her gaze.

"Harry!?" the lady shrieks excitedly, turning a few heads. Harry slowly sneaks a peak at the girl and cringes.

"Sam," he nods. I can't help but to flash her a territorial look.

"Oh well aren't you gonna introduce me?" she asks looking at me.

"Uh Rosa, Sam, Sam, Rosa," he says, clearly uncomfortable. My mood shifts from territorial to amused. I sit back and watch as 'Sam' gawks over the uncomfortable Harry.

"I'd like to have a stack of buttermilk pancakes," I interrupt her as she tries to ask Harry how things have been.

"Oh okay, uh what about you Harry honey, what would you like?" I cringe at her use if honey.

"Bacon and eggs," he says looking at me.

"Oh of course! anything to drink? I know you want coffee, but what about you?" she flashes me a look.

"Chocolate milk," I say shooting her a deathly look, but how threatening can you look after you just ordered chocolate milk?

After she retreats to the kitchen I repress my urge to drown the guy in questions, but fail miserably.

"How do you guys know each other?" I ask him.

"Do you really wanna know?" he looks at me cringing and I already know.

"Oh you loved her too?" I say a little too harshly.

"No darling he never did, but he tried too," Sam interrupts as she sets down my glass. I kind of wanted to punch her, but now she sounds almost sympathetic, but it bothers me that she jumped into our conversation like that.

"You're food will be here in a bit," she says quietly and leaves.

"You tried to love her," I say to myself. Harry stays silent.

"She loved you, clearly. You didn't love her back, but you tried to," I continue.

"Where are you going with this?" he says folding his hands together in the table.

"Sounds similar yet backwards doesn't it?" I flick both my eyebrows up then take a sip of my milk.

"So you're trying to love me back?" he sounds hopeful and it hurts what's left of my heart.

"I think-" I start but shake my head.

"What? say it!" he says trying to force me to finish my thought.

"Well I want to say it, but I don't think I can," I say playing with my straw wrapper.

"So you do love me back, you just can't say it?" he sounds confused and so am I.

"Just give me some time please, I know I can, well at least I think I can, but I also want you to make sure that you really do love me, not that I doubt you, I just want you to make sure for yourself that you do," I say and we sit in silence until our food arrives.