Genie of the Puzzle

15: A "Chump" husband

"Bakura! This is an outrage!"

Solomon had summoned Bakura to the throne room, where he was being merely scolded for the act of beheading a prisoner without the Sultan's approval.
Yugi was on the side, watching. He really did appreciate the fact that his grandpa was trying to set things right, but...this was not how it was going to be if Yugi wanted some satisfaction.

Where are the whips? Yugi thought. Chains? Drowning? Come on...he killed my obvious future husband. Okay, well, maybe he had to yank me, but that was kinda like holding hands!
...and maybe I don't know his name...but still. I need some justice, here.

"If it hadn't been for all your years of loyal service...!" Solomon was more in a fit of grunts than actual words. "...next time, and from now on, you are to ask for my permission to have your way with prisoners before they are beheaded!"

All of this was just in one ear and out the other with Bakura. When Solomon had finished with whatever he was talking about, Bakura merely bowed and said, "I assure you, it won't happen again."

"Yugi...Bakura..." Solomon took both of their hands. "Let's just put this all behind us, shall we?"

Bakura lifted his head and took Yugi's hand, who scoffed.
"My Prince..." He said, filled with a fake apologetic tone. "...You have my most humble apologies."

Yugi ripped his hand from Bakura's grasp and said, in a bitter tone, "AT least some good will come out of me being forced to marry. When I'm Sultan, or co. Sultan or whatever, I'll have the power to get rid of you!"
Then he stormed off.

Solomon only laughed at this, while Bakura suppressed the urge to strangle them both. "Now, Yugi, about this suitor business..."
That was when he realized that Yugi had already left. He hurriedly ran after him, saying, "...Yugi?...Yugi!"

They both left, and Bakura's fake grin melted and molded into a scowl.
"If only I had gotten that puzzle!"

Marik impersonated Yugi in falsetto. "I will have the power to get rid of you!" He then frowned. "We gotta keep kissing up to that chump and his chump grandson, for the rest of our friggin lives! This is BULL CRAP!!!"

"Not for the rest of our lives, Marik." Bakura frowned. "It's only until the Prince finds himself a...chump...husband or...whatever he decides on. When he becomes Sultan, then he'll have us banished.." He thought for a moment and held his neck. "Or worse: beheaded!"

Both Marik and Bakura held their sensitive necks, cringing.

Marik suddenly got an idea, which wasn't usually a good sign. "Ooh, ohh, Bakura! Bakura!!! What if-!"

"NO."

Marik pouted. "You didn't even hear what it was yet, Florence!"

Bakura rubbed his temples. "I don't care; whatever it is might involve leather pants, or getting us caught. And I'm not in the mood to risk it."

Crossing his arms (er...wings....), Marik frowned and said, "Well, we don't have to do it. You can at least listen to me."

"Fine." Bakura turned to him and snapped his fingers. "Make it snappy."
(He probably wouldn't ever say this, I just wanted him to)

"Okay, Bakura, what if you were the chump husband-!"

He took it offensively. "What?!"

Shaking his head, Marik went on. "No...listen; you marry the prince! Okay, and then...uh...then, you! You become the Sultan!"

Bakura began to walk, thinking it over. "Marry the shrew? I become Sultan? Not the worst idea you've had, Marik." He sat on the Sultan's throne.

Marik smiled, glad that Bakura was actually considering it. "You didn't even hear part two, yet!"
He walked next to Bakura and puffed out his chest. "Then we drop papa-in-law," He batted his eyelashes. "And the baby panda off a cliff." He jumped and fell on the ground. "Aaaaaaah! Ker-Splat!"

Bakura laughed harder than he thought he might've. "I love the way your foul, little mind works!"

They broke into maniacal laughter that echoed through the halls; they were taking turns until they were chortling like hyenas.