Ashley found sleep difficult, her stomach felt like it has tripled in size she was now eight months pregnant and still no sign of Alex.
She scooted back against the headboard and grabbed her iPad, hoping that she'd find a way to escape the thoughts racing through her mind.
It was doubtful.
That morning she had a doctors appointment, both Kim and Adam had joined her. It was bittersweet they both had been ecstatic to find out the baby she was carrying was a girl, the baby had been difficult each time they'd try to find out the gender she was glad it had finally happened.
It broke her heart, she had hoped seeing the happiness on Kim's face would ease some of her heartache and it didn't.
It made it worse, she suddenly found herself jealous.
She was jealous that Kim had Adam by her side and she was jealous that she had to give them her baby.
When had she started referring to the baby as hers? It had always been the baby. Never had she claimed it as hers, all of this was proving to be far more difficult that she had anticipated.
Kevin sighed from the passenger seat, "C'mon Ruzek, we've been all over the place and nothing" he pulled the strap of the seatbelt away from his chest and quickly released it, he was over sitting in the cramped unmarked car.
Adam wanted to scream out in frustration, the last person he wanted to go to was his mother, but it was looking more and more like he wouldn't have any other option.
"Are you excited?" Kim asked Nicky over a bowl of ice cream, "I am"
Nicky sucked the spoon and rolled his shoulders, "I guess...I'd be happier if it was boy...but I guess a sister is cool"
Kim laughed, "She's going to love you so much, you'll be the best big brother"
Adam parked in front of his mother's building, Kevin could see the pained look on his friend's face, "I think I'll come up with you".
Adam shook his head, "She's my mother...I think I can handle it on my own, but if you insist"
"I do" Kevin followed Adam into the building and up the many flights of stairs, "this building have an elevator?"
"It does...takes too long, we're better off walking" Adam said a few paces ahead of Kevin.
The doorbell startled her, she'd been wrapped up in her cell phone bill desperate to find something that would lead her to Alex's location. It had been weeks since she last saw him, and he looked awful.
"Coming!" She slid her feet into her slippers and went to the door, her stomach dropped when she found Adam and his partner or her doorstep, "No...please don't tell me.." her voice wavered and she reached out to grab Adam's arm.
Adam was surprised when he felt for her, "that's not why I'm here..I was hoping you had seen Alex..I haven't"
She stepped aside and moved to let them inside her small apartment, "I'm trying to find him...he just stopped showing up..I'm scared" she pointed to the table, "I've been going over my cellphone bill in hopes I could find something...anything" she was exasperated.
Adam lifted it off the table, "Can I? I can have our tech guy see what he can dig up" he glanced over the bill, nothing sticking out to him.
"Yes. Of course...I just ask that you keep me in the loop" Sylvia hoped he would, "I love him and I'm worried.."
Adam nodded, "I know you do"
Kevin had tried to make himself scarce, but he didn't have many options, "Yo, Ruzek I'm gonna go to the car"
Adam knew exactly what Kevin was doing, "Won't be long"
Sylvia waited until the door was closed, "I love you too...I have always loved you" she hugged herself, "I was a horrible mother Adam...I will never forgive myself"
"It's not the time..I need to find Alex. Ashley is due in just a few weeks, we need Alex" he folded the bill and slipped it in his back pocket, "I'll let you know what we find...will you call me if he turns up?"
"Yes" She told him, "is Ashley keeping the baby?"
Adam shook her off, "No, Kim and I are adopting her..it's a little girl" he couldn't stop the smile that spread across his face.
"That's good...she's a lucky little girl to have you as her daddy...you're father raised an exceptional man" Sylvia wiped her eyes, "I know it's a lot to ask..but..can we sit down and talk one day? I'd really like to get to know you, Kim, and Nicholas"
Adam reached for the doorknob, "Let's find Alex's first then we will see what happens, alright?" He gently patted her arm, "I'm gonna find him, I promise"
"Well?" Kevin asked when Adam finally returned to the car, "you okay?"
Adam dropped into the passenger seat, "I'm good...she's terrified"
"We will find him Adam, it's just a matter of time"
This must be what people meant when they talked about hitting rock bottom, he had felt everything slipping away.
Just one sentence had changed everything and now he wasn't sure if it could be fixed.
He'd lost his spot on the baseball team, and his scholarship was pulled. That alone was absolute bullshit but the coach claimed he violated the 'code of conduct', he'd been picked up for petty possession and cut lose with a written warning, obviously that was enough.
His hand was healed but it didn't change anything, the team had turned their backs on him, he ruined everything with Ashley when he suggested an abortion and he'd completely blown off Adam.
He let his legs dangle over the edge, he couldn't help but wonder how quick it would happen...if he'd feel pain or if it would be instantaneous.
--NOTE---
I'm hoping for a miracle with this one, I know how I want it to play out but I'm struggling with it anyway, this is my final attempt. If I can't get it to flow, I will just wrap up all I can and call it a day.
Once this is done I'm taking a break, I've loved writing these stories, it's a great stress reliever but I've hit a wall and just gonna give it a rest and maybe come back at it with the new season of the show.
Hopefully I will have a few one shots hit me over the summer and who knows maybe something in the last few episodes will light a fire under my ass..
But as of now this is my final multi chapter story for the foreseeable future.
Thanks again for reading and all of the kind words, they're appreciated!
